Free Eternally 21: A Mrs. Frugalicious Shopping Mystery by Linda Joffe Hull

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    As the boys celebrated Chili’s miracle additions to our family by chowing down on her namesake’s signature baby back ribs and burgers, picnic-style in front of the upended sectional, I eyed the sweet corn soup and side Caesar I’d picked up for myself. All the turmoil had my stomach rumbling in a way no soup and salad combo could possibly satisfy. Instead of the corn chowder, I grabbed three ribs and half a burger, and sat down in front of the kitchen computer. Narrowly avoiding a barbecue sauce/keyboard accident as I took a bite, I typed in the word stroke and clicked on an official website of some sort.
    Watch for these signs and symptoms if you think you or someone else may be having a stroke: Difficulty speaking: Inability to speak, slurred speech, or words that sound fine but do not make sense. Coordination problems: Lack of coordination, stumbling, difficulty walking or picking up objects. Dizziness: Feelings of drunkenness or dizziness and/or difficulty swallowing. Vision problem: Double vision, loss of peripheral (side) vision, or blindness. Sudden headache: A sudden, severe headache that may strike “out of the blue.”
    Laila’s slurred speech, stumbling, and dizziness mimicked heavy drinking almost exactly. Combined with that sudden headache and followed by the final most telling of all the stroke symptoms, loss of consciousness, there could be no doubt as to the cause of death.
    More important, there was little more either Griff or I could have done about it: There are only two things you can do which are lifesaving in themselves. First, you should immediately call 911. Second, take note of the time when the symptoms appeared so clot-busting drugs can be administered within the three-hour window of opportunity.
    I took a deep breath.
    Laila’s tragic situation had been put to rest, as it were. Even though I’d have preferred to be the old Maddie Michaels who wouldn’t have been bargain shopping at Eternally 21 in the first place, I had a new, exciting secret identity. Judging by the length of the to-do list I’d left sitting atop the printer, I also had a not-so-thrilling and hopefully temporary role to play as Frank’s Girl Friday.
    Before I got started, I crossed my fingers he’d come home with great news and logged on to Mrs. Frugalicious for a quick peek at what was brewing with the Frugarmy.
    The first message, entitled, Please, Mrs. Frugalicious? was from that Here’s the Deal magazine and encouraged me to reconsider the offer of an interview.
    “Whatcha doin’, Mom?” said FJ, the more curious of the twins asked, stopping to look over my shoulder on his way back to the kitchen for seconds.
    I quickly clicked out of the website, plucked Frank’s list from atop the computer, and began to read:
Call Young Entrepreneurs of Denver to confirm speaking engagement.
Need dark socks.
Call Colorado Today Magazine to schedule meeting re: financial column…
    “I’m just looking over some things your dad needs me to do.”
    “Why doesn’t his assistant do that stuff anymore?”
    “Because he’s between assistants,” I managed, hating to have to tell a lie even that lily white.
    “Gotcha,” FJ said.
    “I think Family Guy is on,” Trent said, picking up the remote from the upturned couch.
    “Sweet,” FJ said.
    “Quietly,” I said as FJ loaded his plate with ribs and headed back from the kitchen to join his brother. “I’m trying to focus.”
    Trent pointed the remote at the TV.
    The volume blared at the usual teen-happy super decibel of whatever they were watching last and a wide-angle shot of the South Highlands Valley Mall filled the screen.
    “Louder!” I said.
    “I thought you said—”
    “Shhh and don’t change the channel,” I managed, watching none other than Anastasia Chastain—of the business card in Frank’s gym bag fame—looking equal parts fetching and grim. “Memorial services will be held tomorrow for Laila DeSimone, a beloved member of the South Highlands