Free Blandings Castle and Elsewhere by P. G. Wodehouse

Minnesota, we find "Peega, Peega, Peega" or, alternatively,
"Oink, Oink, Oink," whereas in Milwaukee, so largely inhabited
by those of German descent, you will hear the good old Teuton
"Komm Schweine, Komm Schweine." Oh, yes, there are all sorts
of pig-calls, from the Massachusetts "Phew, Phew, Phew" to the
"Loo-ey, Loo-ey, Loo-ey" of Ohio, not counting various local
devices such as beating on tin cans with axes or rattling pebbles
in a suit-case. I knew a man out in Nebraska who used to call his
pigs by tapping on the edge of the trough with his wooden leg.'
    'Did he, indeed?'
    'But a most unfortunate thing happened. One evening, hearing
a woodpecker at the top of a tree, they started shinning up it;
and when the man came out he found them all lying there in a
circle with their necks broken.'
    'This is no time for joking,' said Lord Emsworth, pained.
    'I'm not joking. Solid fact. Ask anybody out there.'
    Lord Emsworth placed a hand to his throbbing forehead.
    'But if there is this wide variety, we have no means of knowing
which call Wellbeloved ...'
    'Ah,' said James Belford, 'but wait. I haven't told you all.
There is a master-word.'
    'A what?'
    'Most people don't know it, but I had it straight from the lips
of Fred Patzel, the hog-calling champion of the Western States.
What a man! I've known him to bring pork chops leaping from
their plates. He informed me that, no matter whether an animal
has been trained to answer to the Illinois "Burp" or the Minnesota
"Oink," it will always give immediate service in response to
this magic combination of syllables. It is to the pig world what
the Masonic grip is to the human. "Oink" in Illinois or "Burp" in
Minnesota, and the animal merely raises its eyebrows' and stares
coldly. But go to either state and call "Pig-hoo-oo-ey!" ...'
    The expression on Lord Emsworth's face was that of a
drowning man who sees a lifeline.
    'Is that the master-word of which you spoke?'
    'That's it.'
    'Pig –?'
    '– hoo-oo-ey.'
    'Pig-hoo-o-ey?'
    'You haven't got it quite right. The first syllable should be
short and staccato, the second long and rising into a falsetto,
high but true.'
    'Pig-hoo-o-o-ey'
    'Pig-hoo-o-o-ey'
    'Pig-hoo-o-o-ey!' yodelled Lord Emsworth, flinging his
head back and giving tongue in a high, penetrating tenor
which caused ninety-three Senior Conservatives, lunching in
the vicinity, to congeal into living statues of alarm and disapproval.
    'More body to the "hoo,"' advised James Belford.
    'Pig-hoo-o-o-o-ey!'
    The Senior Conservative Club is one of the few places in
London where lunchers are not accustomed to getting music
with their meals. White-whiskered financiers gazed bleakly at
bald-headed politicians, as if asking silently what was to be done
about this. Bald-headed politicians stared back at white-whiskered
financiers, replying in the language of the eye that
they did not know. The general sentiment prevailing was a vague
determination to write to the Committee about it.
    'Pig-hoo-o-o-o-ey!' carolled Lord Emsworth. And, as he did
so, his eye fell on the clock over the mantelpiece. Its hands
pointed to twenty minutes to two.
    He started convulsively. The best train in the day for Market
Blandings was the one which left Paddington station at two
sharp. After that there was nothing till the five-five.
    He was not a man who often thought; but, when he did, to
think was with him to act. A moment later he was scudding
over the carpet, making for the door that led to the broad
staircase.
    Throughout the room which he had left, the decision to write
in strong terms to the Committee was now universal; but from
the mind, such as it was, of Lord Emsworth the past, with the
single exception of the word 'Pig-hoo-o-o-o-ey!' had been completely
blotted.
    Whispering the magic syllables, he sped to the cloak-room
and retrieved his hat. Murmuring them over and over again, he
sprang into a cab. He was still repeating them as the train moved
out of the station; and he would doubtless have gone on