Free How I Won the War by Patrick Ryan

interesting, sir,” he said. “Might we borrow the book for tonight. So that we can study the legend and be sure not to let the major down tomorrow.”
    “Certainly,” I said, handing it over. “Most commendable outlook, Parkin.”
    We were up at dawn next morning for the advance on the Fleece. Sergeant Major Dickory came hullabalooing to the major.
    “It’s mutiny, sir. Eighty-one men are refusing to get up.”
    Private Parkin came out of the signals tent with a message form.
    “Top Priority and Personal from General Trugg.”
    Captain Croker announced it.
    “The Divisional Commander expects this day that all troops will model themselves on the glorious example of the Argonauts.”
    “And that’s all we’re trying to do sir,” said Private Parkin. “Our only aim is to keep you in good with the general. According to Mr. Goodbody’s book there were only fifty-three Argonauts and there’s a hundred and thirty-four of us. So we drew lots last night for the honour of assaulting the Golden Fleece and you’ve got exactly fifty-three volunteer heroes on parade. We wouldn’t want the general finding you with a hundred and thirty-four Argonauts on the starting line and thinking you’d never even read the story.”
    “Fifty-three Argonauts?” shouted Major Arkdust. “Is that right, Mr. Goodbody?”
    “Yes, sir, but …”
    “There’s no time for buts, we should have been away already. What the hell d’you want to give them these bolshy ideas for?”
    “I was only carrying out the general’s orders, sir …”
    Everybody shouted at me and ran around in frantic military circles. Captain Croker was all for putting the eighty-onenon-volunteers under close arrest for mutiny but the sergeant major calculated that the other fifty-three would have to stay behind to guard them. Then there would be no Argonauts on the objective, a mass court-martial tailor-made for the newspapers and bowler hats flying out all round.
    “If I might make a suggestion, sir,” said Private Parkin. “It says in the book that Jason left a guard on his boat when he landed at Colchis. It’d be no good getting back to the jetty with the Golden Fleece to find somebody had nicked your Argo, would it?”
    So the eighty-one layabouts were left as nominal Argo guards to be dealt with on return to barracks, and the fifty-three volunteer heroes marched off cursing their ill-luck in the lottery. Three miles later, as we topped the ridge overlooking Hurt Wood, somebody whistled three times and they all sat down.
    “What the hell’s up now?” bellowed Major Arkdust.
    “Begging your pardon, sir,” said Private Parkin, “but your men wish only to prevent you making a grievous mistake. We don’t want to get you in bad with the general by going any farther. The Argonauts didn’t do anything about actually taking the Fleece from the dragon.” He held out the Child’s Wonder Book. “You can see here, sir, that Jason did it all single-handed with the help of the old balsam his girl friend, Medea, gave him.”
    You could see Major Arkdust’s lips moving as he read.
    “By George! But Parkin’s dead right. That’s just what it says in the book. Where’s that ruddy Goodbody…. Ah! There you are…. If it hadn’t been for you and your bolshy lecture last night we’d never have had all this damned trouble …”
    “I only did, sir, what I thought …”
    “Single-handed, Mr. Goodbody, you got us into this mess and single-handed you’re going to get us out of it. Jason! That’s who you are. I hereby appoint you the regimental Jason. Hold out your hand.” He took out his tobacco pouch and sprinkled my palm with curly cut.
    “There’s your magic herbs. And down there are your brazen bulls breathing fire.” On the grassland below, fourteen Friesians puffed smoke on the frosty morning air. “Thedragon’s teeth have already been sown and sprouted warriors .” He pointed at the ploughed field around Hurt Wood where hairy-armed Cameronians