Free Snoops in the City (A Romantic Comedy) by Darlene Gardner Page A

she needed a different strategy, which was where Crystal came in.
    "Hey, girlfriend, I've missed having you around." Crystal sat down across from her, radiating the energy and life that earned her more tips than better-looking waitresses. "I. . . Did you know your purse is moving?"
    The bag on Tori’s lap wiggled furiously, its contents refusing to be ignored.
    "I think she needs air.” Tori frantically loosened the drawstring at the top. The cat stuck out its miniature white head and breathed.
    Crystal recoiled. "What are you doing carrying around an ugly white rat?"
    "It's a cat, not a rat. I agree she's undersized, but she's not ugly."
    "She's more than undersized. She's a runt. And she is too ugly," Crystal said.
    Tori might have protested further if not for the cat's not-quite-white hair, close-set blue eyes and weird pink area around the eyes.
    "Since when do you have a cat, anyway?" Crystal asked.
    "Since a couple hours ago." Tori stroked the pitiful little thing's head. "I was in the market for something bigger but she kind of picked me."
    "Good thing for the cat, because nobody was going to pick her.” Crystal cast a glance over her shoulder. "It doesn't look like Joey's seen her yet. Don't bet against him. Usually rats can sniff out cats."
    "Joey's not a rat," Tori said.
    "That's what I love about you, Tor. You're always ready to give people the benefit of the doubt, even the guy who fired you."
    Tori saw her opening and took it. "That's sort of why I'm here. I've been thinking lately that I might be too gullible."
    "Ya think?"
    "I need some tips on how to take a man's measure. You know, find out what kind of person he is."
    Crystal snorted. "You think I know?"
    "You're surrounded by men, Crystal. Three brothers. A husband. Two little boys. If you don't know men, who does?"
    "Maybe nobody."
    "You must have learned something from hanging out with all those guys."
    "Does checking to see if the toilet seat's up before sitting down count?"
    Tori made a face, and Crystal rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. Let me think about it. Are you talking about any man in particular?"
    "Nobody you know. Just this guy I'm going out with tomorrow night."
    Crystal put her elbows on the table and leaned forward. "Where's this coming from, Tor? Why are you going out with this guy if you're not sure about him? It's not like you to have doubts about people."
    She wouldn't have doubts about Grady, either, if Ms. M hadn't put them there with her comment about dirt digging.
    "Like I said, I figure it's time I stopped being gullible, is all," she said. "So do you have any tips?"
    "Yeah," Crystal said. "Date him for a year or two, paying particular attention to how he acts around old people and kids. That should do it."
    "I don't have a year or two," Tori complained.
    Crystal rubbed the back of her neck. "The only way you'll get instant answers is if you give him a pop quiz. Like one of those personality tests that run in Cosmo ."
    "That's an idea," Tori said thoughtfully. "A morality quiz would be even better."
    "Oh, honey. That was a joke."
    "Still, it could work. I've taken a couple of those quizzes, and they're pretty revealing."
    Crystal shook her head. "What are you gonna do, whip out the magazine and a pen and have him fill in his answers?"
    "No," Tori said. "That would be too strange."
    "Now you're talking."
    "I'll have a bunch of questions in mind that I can tailor to a particular situation. Then I'll wait for opportunities to work them into conversation."
    "And now you're talking crazy again. Listen to me, there's a far better way to figure out what kind of guy he is."
    Tori put her elbows on the table. "I'll all ears."
    "Listen to your gut."
    Tori bit her bottom lip, turning that piece of advice over in her mind. She intended to follow it, just not exclusively.
    While they were talking, the cat had worked the drawstring loose. By the time Tori noticed, she'd squiggled out of the bag onto Tori’s lap. Then she perched her tiny paws on