Free quintessence. by Sarah Buhl Page A

stop. She was ill and needed an understanding friend. That is what she saw me as and I could live with that. Maybe she’d help me heal too.

9
Maggie
Fall
    I looked at my bedroom ceiling and let myself drift through the tenses. I laughed to myself as I visualized as Karl suggested. On our walk back to Gabe’s, he suggested that I think past myself in the little things. I began to think of myself as someone else. It seemed easier to understand my situation if I became the Mother Hen to myself for once. I found that the more I did it, the more I felt myself move outside my personal space.
    The rest of the evening at Gabe’s I had watched Karl, trying to gauge when he was visualizing as he explained to me. I think I spotted it when his eyes moved around and seemed to focus on something that wasn’t there. But his smile stole the thoughts from him. When he smiled, it was as if he was brought back and he saw the room again. He was amazing.
    But, as I laid there and looked to the ceiling, I tried to quiet my thoughts of Karl. It made it easier as he had been absent for a few days since that night. I could focus on moving past my personal space without the desire to have him in it more.
    My shelves still hovered over my head in my visualizing. The future possibilities were up there waiting for me, but they were easier to hold there now.
    “What are you thinking about?” my mom said, as she leaned against my doorframe.
    “Just shelves and tenses and personal space—and dancing in circles,” I said with a smile.
    “Your night out did you well. You’re less burdened,” she said.
    “I am less burdened. I have a focus now, and I have Karl to thank for it,” I said, rolling to my side and resting my head on my hand. “He’s a good friend.”
    “How long have you known him? You’ve never mentioned him before,” my mom said.
    “Well, I met him last Christmas at a party. We’ve talked a couple times, but I have considered him a friend since Friday.”
    “A friend since Friday—that sounds like a country song,” my dad said, joining my mom in the doorway.
    I threw my pillow at them.
    My dad threw it right back at me.
    “Are you ready to go?” my mom asked.
    “Yeah, I’m about ready. I need to put some shoes on and I’m ready.”
    A knock sounded at my door, and I shrugged at my father’s questioning look.
    My dad left to answer the door and came back a few minutes later with an envelope and a smile.
    “Here you go,” he said, handing me the envelope.
    On the envelope, written in a disheveled hand was one word: “Maggie.”
    I opened the envelope and inside was a handmade card. On the cover of it was a drawing of a merry go round with my likeness in the middle. My sweater and hat looked exact, even down to the hole on the outside of the left pocket and the missing second button. The detail of my sweater was amazing, but the part that made my heart catch was the smile on my face. It was mine, as was the moment. He gave me that at the park and he gave it again in the card.
    I opened the card and inside he said, “I’m sorry I can’t be there today. I have to work since it isn’t as cold out. I found a good substitute though. I think you will approve—Karl.”
    “Hey, sweet cheeks,” Gabe said as he walked into my room with a smile. “I’m upset with you for not including me sooner and allowing him to be the one to tell me I needed to be here.”
    “Sorry. I haven’t wanted to bother anyone with this. It’s bad enough that my parents had to give up their trip to the Bahamas to come here.”
    “Magistrate, shut it. We want to be here. All of us do. Hannah sends her love. She was Karl’s first choice. That stung. But you know how it goes. I understand how you girls need to stick together or some bullshit. What do they say for you anyway? I know guys say, “Bros before hos”, but what about you? Bitches before stitches?”
    “That makes no sense what so ever, Gabe. But I’m glad you’re here. I