Free The Adventures of Phineas Frakture by Joseph Gatch

spread so far that the food supply will have to come from Pennsylvania or farther. We will have to build upwards instead of outwards, and then aerial navigation will be impossible. We need to find something for all these people to do instead of stealing from those who have a position in society. I tell you, William, we will outnumber the rats soon, and we, in turn, will become the blight of the world.”
    “Oh, look, there’s Abigail,” William said, happy to change the subject.
    Ahead, sitting on a bench under a tree, was a vision in white. The two almost didn’t recognize her, for she looked so out of her element wearing a pure white cotton dress with her hair draping down over her shoulders…and not a stain of grease on her. She stood as she saw them approach and patted some dust off of Phineas’ shoulder.
    “Did something explode again?” she asked.
    “Mildly.”
    “The house is still standing,” added William. “Always a good sign.”
    “Well, I am glad that you two made it on time. The unveiling is about to begin,” said Abigail. “I can’t wait to see this.”
    “Unveiling?” asked Phineas as they walked into an audience hall.
    “Of the mummy, of course. Cavanaugh claims that it is a discovery of epic proportions.”
    Phineas stopped and put his arm out in front of Abigail. “Wait. Cavanaugh? Edward Cavanaugh, the explorer?”
    “Yes…he is the one who invited us and sent you the tickets,” she replied.
    “Sent me?” Phineas looked at William.
    “Mrs. Popkiss intercepted them and gave them to me. She knew that you would just throw them away, and that Abigail would love to go to this, so…we…lied.”
    Phineas scowled. “Edward Cavanaugh has been a pain in my backside since grade school and a real jackanape to boot. He still owes me money. I hate him with a passion.”
    “You hate everyone with a passion,” William said, guiding Phineas through the door. “Just smile and be cordial, for Abigail’s sake, and…be pleasant.”
    Phineas gritted his teeth.
    “All right, stop smiling. Your jaw is going to lock.”
    The three of them took their seats in the front row and, shortly thereafter, the curtain rose.
    “I wish that I had brought a tomato,” hissed Phineas. “I’ll be right back.”
    William put his hand on Phineas’ shoulder and shoved him back in his seat.
    A tall, ruggedly handsome man with slicked back blonde hair, blue eyes, and a chiseled jaw stepped out onto the stage wearing an explorer’s outfit.
    “He looks ridiculous,” whispered Phineas.
    “He looks amazing,” swooned Abigail.
    Phineas shot her a glance and then returned his attention to the stage. The lights had dimmed, and images depicting an archaeological dig began to flash on a screen at the back of the stage…most of them with Cavanaugh in some sort of fake pose.
    “Ladies and gentlemen,” Cavanaugh began, “you have all heard of the legends of the great Egyptian Pharaohs, their vast treasures and magnificent pyramids. What you do not hear about are the people who are behind the scenes…”
    “He has found Pharaoh’s nanny,” snickered Phineas.
    “It was surmised that the pyramids were built by using pulleys and ropes and ramps…very primitive means. However, during a recent dig in the Valley of the Kings, I, Edward Cavanaugh, have discovered a man who defies all preceding notions of what the Egyptians were capable of.” He waved to someone offstage, and four men wheeled out a sarcophagus adorned not with gold, but with copper and brass.
    Phineas leaned forward, his interest piqued as he noticed some of the symbolism on the cover. The stage hands propped the sarcophagus on end and stepped off to the side.
    “As you can see, the figure adorned on the lid is not holding the standard crook and flail that other mummies have been found with, representing the god Osiris, but a hammer and what appears to be an ancient wrench. This in itself was the first indication that our find was much more than your