Free Vampire in Paradise by Sandra Hill

“You will come to my party tonight,” Jasper decided.
    That was a definite cringe he saw now.
    “Too much work to do,” Zebulan protested. “I will send some of my Lucipires.”
    The Hebrew almost never socialized with Jasper and the other demon vampires, and, frankly, Jasper was a mite offended. “You will come,” he insisted. “And dress appropriately.”
    “Yes, master.” Zebulan saluted him with obvious sarcasm.
    “And bring a date. How about that new hordling? Wanda something or other?”
    Zebulan’s eyes went wide. “The Witch of Wall Street?”
    “That is the one! I hear she knows fifty ways to raise a man’s Dow. Ha, ha, ha.”
    “My Dow is just fine, thank you very much.” Zebulan grinned then, and Jasper recalled why he liked the man so much. His sense of humor. And he wasn’t always fawning for his favors. Fawning could be just as annoying as lack of deference. “I will come to your frickin’ party, and I will wear appropriate attire, but I will be damned if I go willingly within fifty feet of Wanda the Bitch . . . Witch.”
    “That is all I ever wanted,” Jasper said with satisfaction. “Oooh, oooh, oooh, I have a better idea. You could bring Becky Bliss. What a demon vampire that woman would make!”
    Zebulan made a sound of impatience. “Number one, I cannot just ‘bring’ the woman.”
    “Why not?”
    “That is not the way civilized men act today.”
    “Hmpfh! Men have become such wussies.”
    “Do you mean pussies?”
    “Wussies, pussies, same thing,” he said with irritation at Zebulan’s contrariness. “Ask her for a date then. Is that not how humans do it?”
    “A man has to know a woman first before he can ask her for a date.”
    “Oh.” Jasper tapped his chin with a forefinger, pretending to think on the subject. “Here is an idea. Get to know her first.”
    “Second,” Zebulan went on, as if Jasper hadn’t even spoken. “The woman is not sinful enough to be turned Lucipire.”
    “Really? A woman who bares her body and performs sex acts with numerous men before millions of people? That is not sinful enough?”
    “She is more dumb than evil,” Zebulan contended.
    “I can think of things she could do in her sex acts that would make her sin rankings go off the radar,” Jasper said. “For example, she could . . .” Jasper cited several particularly perverted ideas. “You could plant those ideas in her head. Mayhap even initiate her in some of them.”
    “Enough!” Zebulan put his hands over both ears so he couldn’t hear any more of Jasper’s very vile suggestions. What kind of demon vampire was he that he didn’t enjoy vileness? “I will come to your party, but I come alone. I operate best that way.”
    “You do as I say,” Jasper roared, rising up off the chaise to stand at his full seven-foot height, his demonoid features popping out like pimples as his fury simmered and boiled over.
    “Sorry I am, master. I did not mean to give offense,” Zebulan said, recognizing that he’d pushed his superior too far. But it was too late for apologies. Lessons must be learned.
    Pointing a clawed finger at the difficult demon, Jasper caused him to shoot up off his feet and out the open door, over the railing. Last he heard was a curse, followed by a loud splash. He smiled then at Beltane, who was cowering in the corner, fearful that he would be next.
    “Damn but it is good to be me!”

Chapter 5
Was this Fantasy Island, or what? . . .
    M arisa and Inga were settling into one of the two bedrooms in their assigned bungalow when their other two roommates arrived.
    “Hi, y’all,” trilled Tiffany, aka Helen Biggers, from the communal living room separating the bedrooms. “Oooh, this heah cottage is so cute! Lak a dollhouse!”
    Marisa wouldn’t go that far. Though it was small.
    The hundred or so bungalows stemming out along paths from the back and sides of the hotel all the way to the ocean were designed to ensure privacy, with their heavy cloaks of