Welcome to the Monkey House: The Special Edition

Free Welcome to the Monkey House: The Special Edition by Gregory D. Sumner Kurt Vonnegut

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Authors: Gregory D. Sumner Kurt Vonnegut
said.
    “They’d think you were crazy,” she said.
    “Why?” he said.
    Catharine took a deep breath, made a speech. “Let me say that I’m deeply honored by this crazy thing you’ve done,” she said. “I can’t believe you’re really A.W.O.L., but maybe you are. I can’t believe you really love me, but maybe you do. But——”
    “I do,” said Newt.
    “Well, I’m deeply honored,” said Catharine, “and I’m very fond of you as a friend, Newt, extremely fond—but it’s just too late.” She took a step away from him. “You’ve never even kissed me,” she said, and she protected herself with her hands. “I don’t mean you should do it now. I just mean this is all so unexpected. I haven’t got the remotest idea of how to respond.”
    “Just walk some more,” he said. “Have a nice time.”
    They started walking again.
    “How did you expect me to react?” she said.
    “How would I know what to expect?” he said. “I’ve never done anything like this before.”
    “Did you think I would throw myself into your arms?” she said.
    “Maybe,” he said.
    “I’m sorry to disappoint you,” she said.
    “I’m not disappointed,” he said. “I wasn’t counting on it. This is very nice, just walking.”
    Catharine stopped again. “You know what happens next?” she said.
    “Nope,” he said.
    “We shake hands,” she said. “We shake hands and part friends,” she said. “That’s what happens next.”
    Newt nodded. “All right,” he said. “Remember me from time to time. Remember how much I loved you.”
    Involuntarily, Catharine burst into tears. She turned her back to Newt, looked into the infinite colonnade of the woods.
    “What does that mean?” said Newt.
    “Rage!” said Catharine. She clenched her hands. “You have no right——”
    “I had to find out,” he said.
    “If I’d loved you,” she said, “I would have let you know before now.”
    “You would?” he said.
    “Yes,” she said. She faced him, looked up at him, her face quite red. “You would have known,” she said.
    “How?” he said.
    “You would have seen it,” she said. “Women aren’t very clever at hiding it.”
    Newt looked closely at Catharine’s face now. To her consternation, she realized that what she had said was true, that a woman couldn’t hide love.
    Newt was seeing love now.
    And he did what he had to do. He kissed her.
    ·    ·    ·
    “You’re hell to get along with!” she said when Newt let her go.
    “I am?” said Newt.
    “You shouldn’t have done that,” she said.
    “You didn’t like it?” he said.
    “What did you expect,” she said—“wild, abandoned passion?”
    “I keep telling you,” he said, “I never know what’s going to happen next.”
    “We say good-by,” she said.
    He frowned slightly. “All right,” he said.
    She made another speech. “I’m not sorry we kissed,” she said. “That was sweet. We should have kissed, we’ve been so close. I’ll always remember you, Newt, and good luck.”
    “You too,” he said.
    “Thank you, Newt,” she said.
    “Thirty days,” he said.
    “What?” she said.
    “Thirty days in the stockade,” he said—“that’s what one kiss will cost me.”
    “I—I’m sorry,” she said, “but I didn’t ask you to go A.W.O.L.”
    “I know,” he said.
    “You certainly don’t deserve any hero’s reward for doing something as foolish as that,” she said.
    “Must be nice to be a hero,” said Newt. “Is Henry Stewart Chasens a hero?”
    “He might be, if he got the chance,” said Catharine. She noted uneasily that they had begun to walk again. The farewell had been forgotten.
    “You really love him?” he said.
    “Certainly I love him!” she said hotly. “I wouldn’t marry him if I didn’t love him!”
    “What’s good about him?” said Newt.
    “Honestly!” she cried, stopping again. “Do you have any idea how offensive you’re being? Many, many, many things are good about Henry! Yes,”

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