Free Twinned by Alice Ann Galloway Page B

him. I just can’t imagine telling my mum, my dad, telling Katie for goodness’ sake. I’ll have to explain that he has a child, a child he kept hidden.”
     
    “He must have had his reasons, Beth. Maybe he doesn’t think it’s his?”
     
    “But he sends her money each month! Why would he do that if it’s not his child?”
     
    Elisa pauses for a moment. She looks as shocked as I do. I know she’s just trying to help. “OK… well Selina might be lying. You said the money was to pay his parent’s mortgage. Maybe that’s true.”
     
    My head is in my hands. “I don’t know, I just feel like our marriage is ruined before it’s even begun… And the wedding is only in a few weeks.” I start to panic even more, thinking about all the money that’s been spent, the invitations, the expectations… “Should I call it off? We might have to call it off.” I dissolve into another fit of noisy sobs. My face is all red and I’m guessing my eyes will still be bloodshot tomorrow.
     
    Elisa suggests that I take as long as I need before I go home to speak to Richard. I hate confrontation, I really hate it. Richard will be angry with Selina, that’s for sure but I have an idea that he might be angry with me too, just for knowing and asking him about it.
     
    I spend another half hour with Elisa and then I go home. I let myself into the house and it’s empty. Richard is not yet home. It’s eleven o’ clock. So much has happened and yet only a few hours have passed. The house looks the same as it did before but something inside me has changed.
     
    I can’t face Richard tonight. I get undressed, slip into bed and turn out the light. I can’t sleep. I lay there looking at the ceiling, crying a little.
     
    At 12.28, I hear a key turn in the lock downstairs. I hear Richard walk in, shut the door, put down his keys and briefcase and hang up his coat. He climbs the stairs. My heart is pounding, I have a lump in my throat and I feel like I might erupt from anger.
     
    I hear Richard enter the bathroom and the door shuts softly behind him. I imagine Richard brushing his teeth, washing his hands… I can hear the tap running. I turn over onto my side with my back to the empty side of the bed so I am facing the wall with the window on it. I wipe my eyes with a tissue then hide it under my pillow.
     
    The bathroom door opens. The light clicks off. I hear him walk into our room in the dark and begin to undress. I can’t do it. I can’t blow this secret out of the water tonight. I can’t.
     
    Richard slides into bed next to me, cool air filling the void beneath the duvet as it rises to accommodate his body. I imagine from the way I hear him moving and from the feel of his body through the roll of the mattress springs that he looks at me for a moment, perhaps propped up on one arm, as he wonders if I will stir so he can talk to me.
     
    I stay still and pretend to be fast asleep. He lies down, lifts the top of the duvet a little to cover his shoulder. He clears his throat and then he’s silent.
     
    I open my eyes in the dark and stare at the chink in the curtains, imagining the blustery night outside and listening to the wind in the trees.
     
    I can’t break the silence. I don’t have the energy.
     
    I close my eyes again. I think about Richard and I think about Joel. I think about Selina and Etienne. Tears threaten to fall again so I push my mind back to Joel. I hear Richard’s breathing, it becomes slow and deep.
     
    Yes. I’ll think about Joel.
     
    Against all of my expectations, I fall asleep in minutes.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN
    It’s the night before my wedding to Richard. I am sleeping over at mum’s house in my old bedroom with the heart pattern wallpaper and the small vanity sink with the mirror above it that I learned to whistle in. I remember the ‘brushing my teeth’ chart that used to be stuck on the tiles. I idly wonder where that went.
     
    We had dinner tonight, mum, dad and Katie and I. We looked