Free Twinned by Alice Ann Galloway

feeling like it’s spot-on in terms of what’s been going on with me and Joel.
     
    “It’s a possibility but there is only the flimsiest of circumstantial – well you couldn’t even call it evidence… There’s nothing to prove it.”
     
    My brain is racing with a hundred thoughts. If Joel and I had originally been one soul and somehow we were split at some point, were we doomed to spend multiple lifetimes apart before coming together?
     
    “But aside from the theoretical possibilities, what do you think I should I do about Joel and Richard?” I ask.
     
    He pauses reflectively; glances over at a photo on the wall. It’s of him and someone who I guess is – or was – his wife. He exhales slowly, like it hurts. Then he looks straight at me, all humour gone from his eyes.
     
    “Don’t be rash, Beth. Who makes you feel safe? Who loves you the way you need to be loved? Who is the calm in the storm? Who is true?”
     
    I know the answer is Richard and so does he.
     
    “But Joel is... well I feel he’s my soul mate. What if he is the one I’m meant to be with?”
     
    “Joel sounds like another empath. It is not ideal to have a relationship – even if you could – with another empath. You would be like... like cannibalistic vampires, feeding off each other.” He looks proud of his analogy. “You could never be happy,” he reinforces.
     
    We talk some more and then I notice the time; I need to go. David hands me my coat and scarf. I agree to reschedule the interview for another day.
     
    “We didn’t even get to speak to the spirits,” I say. “Sorry.”
     
    “Don’t apologise,” he says, softly. “You’re a great girl, Beth. I hope to see you again soon. Take care.”
     
    “I will. Thanks so much David. Bye.”
     
    I walk back to the tube station overwhelmed but happy. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I am glad Joel hasn’t come back. I’m glad. There is no good that can come out of being with him, we have no future together.
     
    I repeat my mantra. My name is Beth. I like sunshine, holidays, great books and music. I am me and I am not crazy.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN
    I get through most of the next day at work. At two pm with no warning I am suddenly floored by a migraine. Waves of nausea threaten to manifest as immediate vomit so I make my excuses and take a steady drive home. For the next 36 hours I am not physically sick but I feel awful. I just cry and cry, there is nothing else I can do. I try to distract myself by watching ‘The Proposal’ because it’s a rom-com and I think it might help. But still the tears come.
     
    It’s not long before I start to wonder if somehow Joel is causing this. It simply doesn’t feel like my pain. I check on twitter. The band has cancelled some gigs. I know something bad has happened. A few more clicks on Google and I understand.
     
    It’s his mum. She died on the day I got sick and tomorrow is her funeral.
     
    I am a prisoner. I can’t eat, can’t sleep. We are together in our pain. He doesn’t appear or speak to me directly. I figure this time his 'connection' is involuntary. An accident. Such a strong level of emotion that it came across to me without him intending it. I am merely a passenger to his devastation. The intensity reminds me why I am addicted to this connection. It feels like we belong together.
     
    Eventually it passes. I am free again and it feels good; lonely but good to be myself again. I build up in strength, day by day. Back at work I throw myself into the creation of a new feature proposal and I try to forget about Joel.
     
    I spend time with Richard making final wedding preparations, go for dinner with my sister and eight of our girl friends in lieu of a hen night, then come down with yet another cold and spend a week filling the rubbish bin with used tissues. And still, no Joel in my head. I am kind of too busy to complain about that. My head has no room for him. He doesn’t make contact and neither do I. It’s a