Free Pray for Darkness by Virginia Locke Page A

tenses.
    Black Magic Woman .
    She’s calling again. Why the fuck did she have to do that? I’ll get back to her when I want to, and I don’t want to right now. I may never want to again. And I remind myself of all the reasons why as I pick up the phone.
    I bring it to my ear and say nothing.
    “Trev,” she whispers, voice sultry and beautiful, so damn beautiful that I want to break it. I want to break everything until I don’t feel anything anymore.
    Instead, all I say is, “Hi.”
    “I need you.”
    My hand shakes. I set down my beer because if I don’t, I’m going to hurl it at the wall.
    I know she needs me. She needs me because she knows that no matter how scary or messy things get, she’s in control. She needs me because I want her so fucking much I’ll let her do anything to me, because I’m willing to become anything for her. She doesn’t want to just break herself with this. She wants to break me, too. That’s the real reason why she didn’t tell Brian. She knew that he’d never put up with it. That he’d never do it. Or maybe he would, but she wasn’t willing to ruin all the years of good memories she had with him like she was willing to do with me because I meant less to her.
    “Will you come over?”
    How does she have the fucking nerve to ask me that? I shut my eyes. I promised myself I wouldn’t after last night. I promised myself I’d never do that to myself or her again.
    That promise means nothing. All my good intentions mean nothing.
    “Yeah,” I tell her, hating myself and all of my damn urges and all of those stupid dreams I’m slowly destroying. “I’ll be there.”
    ***
    Trevor
    It’s a beautiful, warm sunny day with not a single cloud in the sky. I knock on her door and she opens it, flinching as she squints.
    “Come on,” she says, drawing me into the dark room. She shuts the door behind me, and for a moment I can’t see. Her blinds are drawn again.
    “Do you mind if I turn on a light or something?” I ask.
    “If you really want to,” she says.
    She obviously doesn’t want me to. Well, that’s alright. My eyes will adjust in a few seconds. “It’s hard to see in here,” I explain.
    “Oh sorry, I just…I don’t like it when it’s so bright, it reminds me of the sun.” Before I can ask her anything else, her hands slide under my shirt and up my back. I shiver as her lips hit the nape of my neck. “Thank you for coming.”
    My eyes finally adjust to the dim light, but I don’t want to see anything. Not the way she refuses look me in the eyes when I turn around. Not the way her hand shakes as she brushes the hair behind her back so her neck is exposed. Not the perfect, beautiful form her lips take when she asks me, once again, to hurt her.
    I do as I’m asked. All I can thinks, I don’t want to be here. I want to remember what it was like before all this.

Epilogue
    Trevor
    There’s a place I go to when I’m sad. Actually, it’s probably not accurate to call it a place since it’s a memory, and I don’t just go there, I close my eyes sink so far into it that I can feel the subtle warmth of the setting sun on my nose, the blades of grass shifting on my left cheek, her little hand holding mine as if she’ll never let go.
    It was near the end of August. She, Brian and I had been inseparable for two months. Every night we parked our sleeping bags in front of the TV and watched horror movies we’d stolen from my oldest brother John’s secret stash in the closet. She was always in between me and Brian, holding both our hands, smiling and laughing at us equally.
    And I was just starting to become aware that it wouldn’t last.
    She and Brian were both one year older than me. Their back-to-school shopping list included a protractor. I really hated those fucking protractors, even more because I had no idea what they were for and even though Sasha and Brian didn’t either they pretended like they did. Protractors made you smarter. They could predict the