Free The Commitments by Roddy Doyle Page B

the soccer mammies don’t wash their gear as much.
    —The gaelic mas would all be culchies, said Dean. —They’re always washin’ clothes.
    —That’s very true, said the caretaker. —Will yis be wantin’ the chairs ou’?
    —No, said Billy. —It’s stand-up.
    —That’ll be great, said the caretaker. —I’ll sneak home for Jim’ll Fix It. Yis’ll be alrigh’ by yourselves for a while.
    Jimmy came back.
    —Father Molloy says it’s alrigh’.
    —That’s great, said the caretaker. —I’ll give yis a hand to bring your stuff back in. ——D’yeh think I could have a go on the drums?
    —No problem.
    —I’ll show yeh me saxophone, said Dean.
    —Oh lovely.
    The rest of The Commitments began to arrive.
    Joey The Lips and Bernie arrived together, holding hands. Bernie had a crash helmet.
    —What’s the fuckin’ story there? Outspan asked.
    —Mind your own business, you, said Imelda.
    —Tha’ chap’s a little rabbit, said Outspan.
    —Wha’ would you know abou’ it? said Natalie.
    —I was thinking there, Brother Jimmy, said Joey The Lips.
    The girls were in the caretaker’s room, changing. The caretaker had gone off home. The lads were sitting or shuffling around the stage, excited, nervous and uncomfortable.
    —We need the hard men, bouncers.
    —That’s all organized, said Jimmy.
    —How? Derek asked.
    —Mickah Wallace is goin’ to do the door for us.
    —Oh, good fuck! said Outspan.
    He had a small scar on his forehead, courtesy of Mickah Wallace.
    —Tha’ cunt! He’ll fuck off with the money.
    —He won’t, said Jimmy. —Mickah’s alrigh’.
    —He’s a fuckin’ savage, said Derek.
    —Who is he? said Deco.
    —Wha’ is he, yeh mean, said Outspan.
    —He got fucked ou’ o’ our school, righ’, Derek told them, —because he beat the shi’e ou’ o’ the Dean o’ Girls. ——Girls! He kicked her up an’ down the yard when she snared him smokin’ an’ she tried to take the pack off o’ him.
    —See tha’?
    Outspan thought he was pointing to his scar but his finger was on the wrong side.
    —He done tha’. Fucked a rock at me durin’ a match. He was the goalie an’ I oney had him to beat, the cunt. An’ he fucked the rock at me.
    —Jaysis!
    —I still scored though.
    —Yeh didn’t, said Derek.
    —I fuckin’ did.
    —Yeh were offside.
    —I fuckin’ wasn’t.
    —Fuck up, youse, said Jimmy. —Tha’ was years ago. We were all fuckin’ eejits then.
    Outspan wasn’t finished yet.
    —He got up on the roof o’ Mountjoy when he was in there cos the other guy in his cell had AIDS an’ he thrun slates down at the screws.
    —That’s not true, said Jimmy.
    —It is.
    —Yeh just said it was him.
    Jimmy explained to the rest.
    —It was on the News. Some tossers up on the roof. An’ Outspan just said one o’ them was Mickah.
    —I recognized him.
    —They had their jumpers wrapped round their faces.
    —I recognized his jumper.
    —Fuck off. ——He’s doin’ bouncer an’ that’s it. He’ll be grand.
    —Who else? Derek asked.
    —We won’t need annyone else, said Jimmy. —Nobody’s goin’ to act the prick with Mickah here.
    James spoke. —Mickah’s okay.
    —How would you know?
    —I meet him a lot. ——He lent me a few books.
    —Yeh still read Ladybird books, do yeh? said Outspan.
    —Don’t let Mickah hear yeh sayin’ tha’, said Jimmy.
    —Let us tune up, Brothers, said Joey The Lips.
    The girls came out.
    —Yis rides, yis, said Deco.
    He stuck his tongue out at them and jiggled it.
    —Fuck yourself, said Natalie.
    The male Commitments changed.
    It was seven o’clock. The caretaker came back.
    —Suits, he said.
    —Yeah, said Jimmy.
    —Monkey suits.
    —D’you approve?
    —Oh, very nice. It’s a long, long time since I seen a band all dressed the same.
    He went over to the girls.
    —I know your daddy, he said to Imelda.
    —So? said Imelda.
    She raised her eyes to heaven.
    —You’re just like him, said the caretaker. —A cheeky