Free Screw Loose by Chris Wheat Page A

the vermin out of the cupboards, everything’s hunkydory,’ was his old man’s cleaning philosophy. So things were usually a bit out of hand, except for twice a year, usually on a night when his dad was a bit pissed, when they both hopped in and cleaned the whole place up.

    â€˜What’s this?’ Chelsea asked, picking up one of Matilda’s mangas. She flipped through it, then dropped it back on the coffee table with a shudder. ‘ Grrrrl. Ridiculous!’ she said. ‘Her eyes are squinty, not like that at all.’
    Craig grinned. ‘Give it up, Chelsea. You’re jealous!’
    â€˜Jealous? Of that? Hah! My God. A tail!’ Chelsea pushed a can off the couch with one finger. ‘This place really lacks a woman’s touch, if you don’t mind my saying so,’ she added.
    Actually he did mind her saying so. It sounded like she was having a go at his mother for leaving. He shoved up a window, demolishing some spider webs.
    â€˜I warned you about Matilda,’ she went on. ‘Gi-normous tongue, hah! How embarrassing for you. She just fakes it to get attention – and money.’
    He could feel anger starting to creep from his stomach up to his face. ‘Don’t have a go, Chelsea, or I’ll chuck you out.’
    â€˜You’ll end up with hydatids, Craig.’
    â€˜Sure. Right. What’s hydatids?’ he asked.
    â€˜It’s a dog disease. She’s running about all over the place meeting other dogs behind your back. She’ll pick up diseases from them and pass them on to you.’
    â€˜She’s not a dog!’ Craig snapped.
    â€˜I realise she’s quite jealous of me. Lately she’s taken to creeping around behind me at school. I’m going to press charges if she keeps stalking me. I don’t care how famous she is.’
    â€˜Did you come here to tell me this crap?’
    â€˜You could do so much better than Matilda. I hope it’s not her money you’re after. One day Matilda Grey will be exposed as a fraud, Craig, and you’ll realise that I have only your best interests at heart.’
    â€˜Get over it, Chelsea.’
    â€˜A big tongue. No one should have their defects exposed on national television. How big is it?’
    He wanted to push her out the door. She was so nosey and interfering! ‘Mind your own friggin’ business, Chelsea!’
    â€˜All right. Keep calm. Actually I didn’t come to talk about that sad little canine, or your love-life – I came to discuss the love-life of our parents. You know that they’re having an affair, don’t you – your father and my mother?’
    â€˜What?’ He laughed. ‘What crap are you talking now?’
    â€˜Well, sorry to drop this little bombshell, but your father is always at my house. In fact, he’s there right now. I’m absolutely telling the truth. Ring him if you doubt me.’
    This girl was crazy. No way would his father be seeing Mrs Dean. They wouldn’t be the same type. But then again, Matilda and he were not really the same type. And Chelsea seemed to believe what she was saying.
    â€˜You’re a real nutcase, Chelsea.’
    She stared at him. ‘Go on, ring him, and ask him where he is.’
    Craig swallowed. His old man did like the ladies, that was for sure, but usually they were Asian ladies, and never someone like Chelsea’s mother. He’d seen her a few times, dropping Chelsea off at school in their Merc. It was the Merc he’d been interested in, so he’d never paid much attention to the driver. But if she was anything like Chelsea, his father would have to run a mile.
    â€˜He came to repair the sauna at our place and then stayed to give dancing lessons. Dancing lessons! Sorry, but I can’t stand him, Craig. So you and I have to break them up.’
    â€˜Do we?’ This was too weird. Chelsea’s mum and his dad – for real? That was pretty