Free Screw Loose by Chris Wheat

silence, too.
    â€˜Now I’d like to call to the stage Georgia Delahunty and Joshua Yeatman, two of our gay students!’
    Georgia froze. Surely he hadn’t just said that! She turned furiously to Chelsea. ‘ You told him!’
    â€˜Well, why not? There’s no use hiding, Georgia. I told him the school was full of homophobia and he had to do something about it. Go on. Go up! Be proud and gay.’
    She wanted to punch Chelsea out. Several rows in front, Joshua Yeatman was moving slowly along his row, head bowed.
    Strange noises, wild laughter and repetitive stamping accompanied him. Thanks to Chelsea Dean, she and Josh were about to have their lives totally wrecked. It was India or Mary Magdalene for sure now.
    Georgia stood slowly, and her teeth clenched: the school lesbian. Darryl smiled and nodded as she and Josh approached the stage through billowing curtains of laughter. Joshua was trembling. The applause and laughter slowly subsided as they climbed the steps and stood beside Darryl.
    Darryl spoke. ‘We are living in modern times, and as such we don’t want to have phobias. One of the worst modern phobias is homo phobia.’ He spelt it. ‘ H-O-M-O-P-H-O-B-I-A . You see before you two fine young people: one looks like a boy, and one looks like a girl. In fact, Joshua, here, and Georgia, here, are just like the person sitting next to you’ – this remark set off a huge new disturbance, and his voice rose to a bellow – ‘but they are gay!’
    Georgia stared down at her riotous peers and felt sick. Why?
    Was he mad?
    â€˜For one week, we are going to celebrate these two students, and those students like them who are also gay but hiding it, by playing songs by Elton John over the public address system at lunchtimes! Quiet! QUIET!!’
    Georgia turned to Joshua, who was still trembling beside her. ‘It’s Chelsea’s fault,’ she said.
    He nodded. ‘I know.’
    Darryl continued. ‘To start our Gay Week celebrations, the school choir is now going to come up on stage and sing an Elton John classic: Rocket Man . And as they sing, I want every one of you to imagine what it’s like to be gay!’
    Below, a moving, roaring sea of laughing faces. She had to get out of here.
    The choir was trooping up on stage. ‘Excuse me, Mr Dunn,’ she protested angrily, ‘you can’t do this! It’s not allowed. Will you stop it!’
    He cupped one hand to his ear. ‘What’s that, Georgia?’ he asked.
    Then something came over her. She turned to Mr Dunn, who was smiling at her benignly, and slapped him hard across the face.
    There was a momentary lull in the hall, and then a kind of explosion as Darryl staggered away from her.
    She grabbed Josh’s hand. ‘Come on!’ she said and, turning and pushing through the choir, she ran down the stairs into a maelstrom of students, who were on their feet, punching the air and cheering.

PLAN B
    O NE WEEK AFTER his girlfriend had humiliated him on 60 Minutes , Craig Ryan was standing in the bathroom poking his tongue out at the mirror when the doorbell rang. He continued to stare at himself, hoping the ringing would stop.
    It didn’t. He went to his dad’s room and peered through the curtains: it was bloody Chelsea Dean. Craig opened the door reluctantly. Chelsea meant trouble.
    â€˜Craig!’ Her eyes flashed. ‘Is Matilda here?’
    â€˜Nope.’
    â€˜Good. This is an emergency. Let me come in.’
    She pushed past him and sat on the couch with her hands folded in her lap and a pained look on her face.
    â€˜It’s very stuffy in here, Craig. You need to open a window before we asphyxiate on the odour of … Nikes. And close the bathroom door, please. I’m looking at a pile of men’s laundry.’
    Craig closed the bathroom door with a shrug. He and his old man didn’t worry about keeping things neat. ‘So long as you keep