Free Mucked Up by Danny Katz Page A

scrote-zones.
    ‘ DANCE, DANCE, DANCE !’
    excuuuuuse meeeee, class
    The first gorilla is getting something out of its shopping bag …
    could you … pleeeeease
    … something small in its hand, then the gorilla steps back.
    SHHHHPLATTTTTTTT
    The girls go AHHHHHH and some of the boys do too because we thought it was going to hit us in the face but it just hits glass, then runs down the glass all vommy and yellow.
    ‘Egg raid!’ says Lynn Lin with two names the same.
    Everyone goes ‘AHHHHH!’
    We are safe behind the glass window as all the gorillas get eggs out of their shopping bags and throw them at the window, SHHHHPLATT SHHHHP-LATT . Funny how every time an egg hits we all jump back in fear even though we know glass is protecting us. They must have about a million eggs in their bags and they keep throwing one after the other after the other.
    SCHPLATTTT
    SCHPLATTTT
    SCHPLATTTTTTTTT
    The window is all yolky ’n’ yellow, it’s hard to see through it. And Boring Brown/Brady/Brown/Bennett/ Brown has given up trying to get everyone to go back to their seats and just starts doing his teaching again to no one.
    orrrrrrr you could alsooooo consider … the motion of aaaaaaaaa car … onnnnnnn the road
    SCHPLATTTT
    soooooo as the wheels spinnnnnnn
    SCHPLATTTT
    SCHPLATTTT
    SCHPLATTTT
    SCHPLATTTT SCHPLATTTT
    they grip the road annnnnnd
    SCHPLATTTT
    SCHPLATTTT
    pushhhhhh the road backwarddddds
    SCHPLATTTT SCHPLATTTT
    SCHPLATTTT
    SCHPLATTT
    SCHPLATTTTSCHPLATTTT
    action-reaction force pairrrrrrs … make it possible forrrrrr
    BRNNNNNNNNGGGG , the bell goes and the gorillas get scared and run off. I can see them through a little corner of the window that isn’t yolked-up, running with their shopping bags and chucking eggs at other windows as they go past.
    The PA makes a crackle and it’s Assistant Principal Bitchface Fruehling again. Her voice sounds stressed-out: ‘Staff and students, you may be aware, there has been another incident on the schoolgrounds involving damage to school property. Several classrooms in Blocks A and B have been defaced. Classes will continue as timetabled for Years 10, 11 and 12, however, students in Years 7, 8 and 9 with fourth period classes in A or B Block please go direct to the library and wait quietly until a teacher advises you where to go. Thank you for your patience while we deal with these developments.’
    Everyone’s all excited cos we get to go to the library and we’ll miss a bit of fourth period. Nobody even notices Boring Brown/Bennett/Brady/Brown as we go out of class. If it was Valderamma we’d be hanging out round her, taking it slow, trying to breathe in some of her Pez-shampoo-smell before we leave. But this guy is an inviso teacher. If he didn’t stand back against the wall we would probs step on him.

    Jack S is behind me as I go out the door into the corridor. He must be really mad because when I stop and wait for him, he keeps walking right past me and now I have to catch up to him.
    ‘Hey Jack,’ I go, ‘you should’ve seen those gorillas, it was classic’ but he doesn’t look at me or nod so I try harder. ‘Y’know, Jack, I kind of get this Newton law stuff now. Like when the gorillas chucked the eggs at the window, that was a force, and when the egg hit the glass, the glass is the other force, pretty cool, hey? Hahaha.’
    But I don’t think he’s hearing.
    ‘And the equal and opposite reaction is the glass smashing the egg. Equal and opposite forces, get it now, Jack? I should teach physics, hey Jack? I’d be better than Brown/Brady/Bennett, hey Jack?’
    But he takes off and I can’t keep up with him so I’m behind him all the way to the library.

11:50 a.m.
Fourth period: Library
    Somebody chundered on China. Nobody knows who did it, it happened years ago before I was even at this school, but the chund is famous and everyone knows about it. There’s an orange stain where they tried to clean it off and it smeared a bit. It doesn’t smell but we