Free Mucked Up by Danny Katz

just fake what’s going on between them. He thinks they’re going to be together forever and live in a house and have babies, whatevs, but I know the facts: she’s just using him to hurt me because it’s me she really wants to get with, true dat. She’s always been into me, I knew it from the day we met, how she looks at me, how she shows off in front of me, how she asked me to the bush dance and everything. If I was a REAL good mate I would tell him that she’s a massive faker who’s just using him to get to me but I won’t tell him that because it’ll rip his guts out. I won’t say it, I’m a good mate, I won’t say it.
    ‘Look, Jack … don’t want to interfere … but there’s something you should know about Jarrell …’
    (Don’t say it, Zurb, shut it.)
    ‘… I just think Jarrell’s not being honest with you … and she’s kind of using you a bit …’
    (Stop now, Zurb. Get out NOW!)
    ‘… and you can do better than her, find someone who actually wants to be with you and isn’t just pretending to like you because … well … she doesn’t.’
    Jack S is confused. ‘What d’ya mean? Jarrell likes me lots, she told me and I believe her. And I like her: she’s the most smart and amazing and beautiful girl ever and all the guys want to get with her even though they won’t admit it. You’re probably just jealous and you want to get with her and that’s why you’re saying all this, right Zurb?’
    ‘What? Jeez! No wayyyyy. No. What????’
    ‘Yeah you probably think I’m too dumb to have such a smart hot chick and you want to break us up so you can get with her! Well I’m sick of your negative comments about us! Leave us alone! Stop worrying about us and worry about your own life for a—’
    ‘Look LOOK!’ Mandy Karaniki’s pointing out her window again.
    ‘Is the pig back?’ says Lynn Lin with two names the same.
    All the chair-skreeking starts again and everyone goes back to look out Mandy’s window.
    ‘!$%#@!’ says Cody Carruthers who is the first one there again.
    ‘!$%#@!’ says Angie Maningas who doesn’t normally swear, so it must be something amazing.
    pleaaaaase … back toooooo … your
    Jack S is staring at his desk and I feel bad for what I said, so I try to be friends: ‘Jack, you coming to have a look? C’mon, let’s see what it is,’ but he doesn’t look up so I go without him. If he wants to pike off and sook like a little la-la, it doesn’t bother me none.
    seats … pleeeeeeeease
    Down the side of the block in the grassy bit near the school fence, there’s a gorilla.
    No jokes.
    A gorilla in a skirt, staring at us through the window.
    ‘Haw haw it’s in a netball skirt.’
    ‘Look, there’s more of them!’
    Four more gorillas come up the side and stop to look at us all through the window; they are black and wear netball skirts and one wears sunglasses. They are carrying plastic shopping bags that are heavy with something.
    ‘Hello gorillas!’ Angie Maningas waves at them and the gorillas wave back.
    The gorillas are doing funny gorilla stuff, like one is banging on its chest with its hands, and the one with the sunglasses is picking bugs off the head of another gorilla and eating them. Flarping hilarious.
    ‘They look really real,’ says Dougy Mansour, trying to get his head in for a look.
    ‘Yeah, real gorillas in skirts,’ goes Cody, getting him out of the way.
    The first one starts dancing around all bent over, scratching its ball-zone and going AHHH AHHH AHH, so loud you can hear it through the glass window. It actually looks like my dad when he lies round on the couch in his undies.
    ‘He’s itchin’ his nuts!’

    (Just like my dad.)
    ‘Sickkkkkkkk!’
    Dougy Mansour starts yelling ‘ DANCE, DANCE, DANCE !’ and everyone starts joining in and clapping, ‘ DANCE, DANCE, DANCE ’, even me. All the gorillas start dancing to the beat of the yells and claps, all bent over, holding their shopping bags and scratching their