Free The Title of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 8) by Ichabod Temperance

steam-carriage, Miss Stephanie, Ma’am.”
    “You are now beside the creation.”
    “The boys in the shop have got her furnace hot and steam pressure is up. I reckon I better get around there and assist you to your seat.”
    clank. klinckety-clankclankclank, kink!
    “Thank you, Ichabod, who art the man.”
    “Thank you, Miss Plumtartt, oops, I mean, Miss Stephanie, Ma’am. I will now walk back around to the chauffeur’s side.”
    clank. klinckety-clankclankclank, kink!
    “Now if I can just, uh, or maybe if I, unh. Hmm, perhaps if I, unh. No, that ain’t working.”
    “I sayeth, art thou experiencing difficulty, oh, Ichabod who art the man, eh hem?”
    “Um, yes, Ma’am. This dang old suit of armour don’t want to bend the right way. I can’t hardly get a steel shod foot into the auto-wagon.”
    “I shall hither to thy side that I may lend what assistance I may, eh hem?”
    “Oh, no, don’t do that, Ma’am, then I’d have to walk you back around and assist you in sitting down again!”
    “Forsooth, t’is thee that requires assistance, oh Ichabod.”
    “Yes, Ma’am. Be that as it may, I’d still prefer to do it on my own.”
    “As thee wishes.”
    “Watch out I don’t fall on you, Miss Stephanie! Unh! Okay, I reckon I can squirm into position from here.”
    “Eh hem.”
    “Alright, here we go! Yeppers, so far, so good, I ain’t runned nobody over yet. The gates of Camelot are down this aways me-reckons. Uh, oh, looks like they have the streets blocked off for a parade or something. I better find another way around.”
    “Do not be ridiculous, Ichabod, and don’t you dare turn this despicable creation. This is our sending-off ceremony! You do not expect to go forth on a glorious quest without a blessing, dost thou?”
    “Um, no Ma’am, I reckon not. June Biscuits, look at all these people that have turned out! There are thousands of people in wild costumes all bursting into cheer at our appearance! Fanfare erupts from hundreds of trumpet horns and I can’t hardly see for all the flower petals being tossed in the air!”
    “Prithee, guide thy carriage between the rows of armoured Knights on armoured chargers, that hold their swords aloft in salute and bring this carriage to a stop before the viewing dais.”
    “Yes, Ma’am. Oh, look, the Royal Court has turned out, as well as all the Courtly Knights!”
    “Ichabod, who art the man, I, King Arthur, command you to rise and stand before me. Oh, I see, you are having difficulty with your armour in disengaging from your wondrous, though dreadful, contraption. Oh, never mind. Sit where you are and I will come to you. Now then, I, King Arthur Pendragon, King of the Britains, by the power of God, Saint Michael and Saint George, do hereby dub thee as a temporary, honourary, Knight of the Round Table! Rise, Sir Ichabod! Oh, er, never mind. Remain sitting, Sir Ichabod!”
    “Hooray!”
    “Go and complete your quest, Sir Ichabod, for thou art the man!”
    Oh, there,
    goes mighty,
    Ichabod.
    With face,
    akin
    to a dirt clod.
    Gobbled up for Ogre Chow,
    we’ll say our good-byes now,
    Lots of luck to thee,
    you silly sod.
    Oh, Ichabod!
    Deadly danger awaits!
    Oh, Ichabod!
    Adventure is your Fate!
    You are as befuddled as can be,
    You’re a goner it’s plain to see,
    It was nice,
    to have known you Ichabod!

Chapter 9
Trials of the Quest
    “Gee, Miss Stephanie, Ma’am, I reckon I’m the first feller that was ever Knighted in a drive-through.”
    “Prithee, let us hope this is not a trend that grows in popularity.”
    “It’s a pretty day to be out questing, Miss Stephanie, Ma’am.”
    “Forsooth, a pleasing day it is indeed, Sir Ichabod. The Sun shares her golden light, while the songs of bird and insect fill the air.”
    “Yes, Ma’am. How do you like riding in the Beemer?”
    “Eh hem, yes, well, now that thou dost mention it, I must say that it is naughtte as pleasing in use, as it is as a curiosity for the viewer.”
    “Yeah, uh, I