Free Secrets of a D-List Supervillain by Jim Bernheimer Page B

controllers, and me and her wipe the floor with you two losers.”
    Both men immediately forget the dispute about fishing, because that was trivial. I’d just thrown down the gauntlet and shit was about to get real!
     
     

Chapter Five
Obligatory Superhero Teamup
     
    “Robert, my good man?”
    Oh boy! Here comes the gloating.
    “Yes, Lawrence?”
    “If I recall correctly, one of our recent victims said, and I quote, ‘Between my tactical genius and her phenomenal reflexes, we are going to take you losers to school!’ Or, at least, something to that effect. Is that what you recall?”
    “Sure as shit, I do!” Bobby said, abandoning his fake accent. “I’m pretty sure we kicked their little asses!”
    “Indeed, we did,” Larry drawled, now sounding like a professional wrestler doing his act. “A quick check at the final score, and it looks like the school bell is going to toll for them!”
    I might not like to use the F word, but my middle finger is fully functional. Clearly, I am taking the loss harder than the Love Goddess. Then again, she doesn’t live with these two buttmunchers.
    “Watch the language,” I admonish and point at the squirming child in my lap. Gabby’s imitation of a howler monkey proclaimed to the world that she had finished her nap. It either spoiled our magnificent comeback, or put us out of our misery, depending on your perspective.
    “Like her mother watches her mouth?” Bobby retorts, with a sly grin. He has a valid point. When Wendy stopped trying to be “Little Miss Perfect,” she decided to go all the way. Most young women her age rebel and get tattoos and piercings, start sleeping with the wrong guys, and get knocked... never mind, the last two sort of fit. Our little wild child took the job of leading a rogue team of the most powerful individuals on the planet. It’s laughable that I’m even part of this, but I’ve come a long way from the guy who first laid eyes on this cave and considered going back to prison as a better option.
    I answer Hillbilly Bobby by defending my daughter’s mother, “Well, running an unsanctioned super team, and flaunting it in front of her politically ambitious father as well as her hero mentor, carries a certain amount of stress. I say give her some leeway.”
    Stacy agrees, “There’s a big rift between her and Bolt Action right now. I’ve never seen him that angry. Her father is probably the only one more pissed right now.”
    “Honestly,” I say, and look at the woman beside me. “In every sim I’ve run, Wendy takes Bolt Action and I’m pretty sure the head of the East Coast Guardians already knows he wouldn’t win. As for the not-so good Senator, he’s used my book as an excuse to justify his little personal power grab. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t mind finding out what his Manglermal form would be. My guess is a weasel.”
    The law of unintended consequences can be a foul tempered bitch.
    “He would have found another way,” Stacy says and leans forward to make faces at Gabby, providing a stark contrast to her words. “Senator Laguardia wants to be in control as much as the Overlord. He’s just going to try and do it from inside the system rather than conquer it.”
    “I’m guessing that’s part of the reason why Athena and Hera want to recruit us. Get us to toe Uncle Sam’s line?”
    She gives me a look with those beautiful eyes of hers. “I already know your answer, Cal. You’re not going back.”
    “It’ll be a cold day in hell before I let them watch over me!” Larry says, interrupting whatever I was about to say.
    “Damned straight, that ain’t gonna happen!” I say to reassure him. My problems aren’t really with Uncle Sam, but rather the superheroes who jacked me over. Larry, on the other hand, has an ax to grind. The government gave up on trying to help him and focused on containment and getting what they could out of him. Somewhere out there were five children by the four volunteers or actresses