Free Redeeming a Rake by Cari Hislop

into their depths
she’d see a distant rainbow. He tenderly took possession of her
hand and pressed his lips against her palm. “I want sunlight.”

    She smiled and he clutched her hand tighter;
he’d caught the rope, but he didn’t yet understand he’d have to
pull himself out of the water. Her mind was filled with visions of
her friend despairing of ever healing and ending his life. “Will
you promise me something?”

    “Anything!” The emphatic word rang with
adoration as if he’d do anything to win her heart.

    “Remember you have a friend who believes in
you.”

    He clutched her hand in both of his and
reverently kissed her knuckles. “What if I can’t find them? What if
I run out of money?”

    “Don’t let your dependants go without, but
be prepared to sell your treasures. You can’t change what you’ve
done, but you can ensure no one is homeless or starving in the
gutter because you won a game of cards. You can make sure not one
more person suffers in any way because of your pride. If one more
woman suffers at your hands I’ll assume you don’t want to change
and for my safety I’ll be forced to end our friendship. Don’t let
your pride rule your heart.”

    He winced and looked away. “I won’t. I give
you my word.” He stared at her hand held tightly between his own.
“Will you write to me…as a friend?”

    “If you wish, but my servant’s are bound to
gossip. Society may soon think we’re engaged.”

    A shiver ran down her spine as the cool
distant eyes caught fire. “I’ll write you and let you know where to
direct your letters. I’ll try not to drop one on the street in
front of Lady Jersey.” There was something in his voice that made
her think he was tempted to do just that. “I’ll return when I feel
worthy of your smile.”

    “Rest before you begin your search. I don’t
want to read in the papers that you were travelling to some far
flung corner of the Kingdom and they opened your carriage door to
find you’d died of exhaustion.”

    “I try to sleep, but the nightmares… I’m
lying in bed paralysed. I can’t move. The women dig out my heart
with their fingernails and start eating it. It’s so real I can feel
my warm blood dripping onto my chest. I wake up screaming.
Everything I’ve tried makes the dreams worse.”

    “I used to have nightmares; while you’re
awake, imagine the dream with a new ending. Before they enter the
room change the dream so that you see me sitting in a chair next to
your bed. Tell yourself over and over that the young women won’t be
able to reach you because I won’t let them hurt you, and then
imagine them leaving your room and never returning, it may
help.”

    “I don’t think it could get any worse. I
should go.” He brought her hand to his lips and then pressed it to
his cheek. “The next time I take advantage of your kindness I hope
to be almost worthy of it.” He closed his eyes and cringed as if
shutting out some unpleasant sight. “How can you not hate me after
knowing what I’ve done?”

    “I couldn’t hate you. I don’t know why, but
I have to believe that underneath the filth is a better man.”

    “Tolerance.” He bowed over her hand and
reverently pressed his lips to her skin. He opened his mouth as if
to say something, but merely paused to looked into her eyes and
slowly let go of her hand before abruptly turning and rushing from
the room.

    Tolerance watched his emaciated back until
he disappeared from view without turning to say goodbye. She sank
into his vacated chair and stared through tears at her desk. Had
she calmly noted that horrifying list of ruined lives? Surely that
was another woman; someone who didn’t feel torn for loving a
monster. She had to have faith he could change and heal. She tried
to imagine her new friend as a smiling healthy man with a kind
heart, but she knew he might never change. He might be unable to
face the consequences of his actions. He might never want a plain
woman as