Free Get Smart 8 - Max Smart Loses Control by William Johnston Page B

They’re having a fine time. I’ve never seen a happier bunch.”
    “They sound like a bunch of phonies to me,” Max said.
    “99 . . . do you have a bedside computer in your room?” Hymie asked.
    “Of course,” 99 replied. “Also television and a sauna and a barbecue pit and a sandbox. Why?”
    “I think what we’ve stumbled onto is not really a dude ranch, but a clinical laboratory,” Hymie said.
    “I agree,” Max said. “That sandbox is a dead giveaway.”
    “I don’t understand,” 99 frowned.
    “I’ll have Hymie explain it to you,” Max said. “I’m still tied-up trying to get this saddle on.” He turned to Hymie. “Explain my thinking to her, Hymie.”
    “I suspect that KAOS is conducting a test here,” Hymie said. “The bedside computers have all been brainwashed. And, in turn, the computers are brainwashing the guests—making them believe they’re enjoying themselves.”
    “That’s horrible!” 99 shuddered.
    “If the test works here, it will prove the theory that KAOS can control the world simply by controlling the world’s bedside computers,” Hymie said.
    “What I don’t understand,” Max said, “is how the sandbox fits in.”
    “It doesn’t, Max,” Hymie replied.
    “It’s just a convenience, Max, in case you happen to have the children with you on vacation,” 99 explained.
    “Oh. Listen, 99, would you mind if I came to your room tonight?”
    “Max!”
    “All right, all right. If you’re going to be that way about it, keep your sandbox to yourself—see if I care.”
    “Max,” 99 said, “were you listening when Hymie explained what’s going on here?”
    “I didn’t have to, 99. It was my idea, wasn’t it?”
    “We’ll have to be careful not to let our bedside computers brainwash us,” Hymie warned.
    “You’re right,” Max said. “If we started enjoying our work the way these guests are enjoying their vacation, we’d become totally useless. What we’ll have to do is listen very carefully to what our bedside computers tell us to do, and then do exactly the opposite.”
    “That might not help,” Hymie said. “Suppose Ways and Means adjust the computers to order us to do the opposite of what they want us to do. If we do the opposite of the opposite, then, in fact, we’ll be doing exactly what Ways and Means want.”
    “Only a machine could come up with a nutty idea like that,” Max said. “And neither Means nor Ways are machines—so forget it.” Max had been busy with the saddle while carrying on the conversation. Now, he pointed proudly to his work, and said to 99, “There you are—have a nice ride, lady.”
    “Max . . . you saddled the steer,” 99 said.
    “Lady, you know that, and I know that,” Max said, “but the steer doesn’t know it. It thinks it’s a horse. Take a close look—it isn’t wearing its faucets.”
    “I’ve changed my mind—I don’t think I’ll ride today, after all,” 99 said. She lowered her voice. “I’ll go back to the guest house and keep my eyes and ears open.”
    “Anytime we can be of service, lady—don’t hesitate to call on us,” Max said.
    99 departed, headed toward the guest house.
    “Fantastic willpower,” Max said to Hymie.
    “How do you mean that, Max?”
    “She’ll probably spend the whole day hanging around the lobby, hanging around the pool, sticking strictly to duty.”
    “That doesn’t sound so difficult, Max,” Hymie said.
    “Are you kidding? Staying on the job, when you’ve got your own private sandbox waiting for you in your room? Talk about a challenge to the old willpower!”
    “I think I’ll do some scouting around, Max,” Hymie said. “But one of us better stay here with the horse and cow.”
    “Let’s see . . . if you go scouting around, that leaves me to do the horse and cow sitting, right?”
    “Right, Max.”
    “Machines don’t have all the brains,” Max said smugly.
    Not long after Hymie had gone, a plump, middle-aged woman appeared. She was wearing riding