Free The Bare Bum Gang and the Holy Grail by Anthony McGowan Page B

in the mud. I have put a normal-sized foot next to it so you can see just how big Bigfoot’s feet are. This could also be the tracks of a person with one giant foot and one little foot , but there aren’t many of those people in the world, so don’t waste time thinking about them.
    4. These are the tracks of Daddy Bear (Ursus daddicus), Mummy Bear (Ursus mummicus), and Baby Bear (Ursus babicus). On no account eat their porridge, sit in their chairs or go to sleep in their beds, or they’ll eat you for sure.
    5. Sidewinder (or horned rattlesnake). These are some of the sneakiest tracks in the world, because they don’t even look like tracks at all. Sidewinders are deadly poisonous. If one comes for you, your only hope is to squirt lemon juice in its eyes, and then run away screaming while it is temporarily blinded. This also works for baboons, jaguars and piranha fish.
    6. Sausage dog (or dachshund). The line in the middle of the tracks is where its fat sausage belly drags on the ground because of its silly little legs. Do not be fooled into thinking you can eat them in an emergency. They are not made out of real sausages, and nor can you make a decent sausage out of them.
    7. Wolf (Canis lupus). If you come across wolf tracks you are in quite a lot of trouble. Your only chance of survival is if you’re a baby, and the wolf pack adopts you and brings you up as a wolf brother like Mowgli. That is definitely better than being eaten, but on the minus side you’d pick up lots of disgusting wolf habits like licking your own bottom, eating cute little baby deers, etc., etc., and when you grew up you’d probably have to marry a lady wolf.
    8. Weasel (Weasily weasily). For their size weasels are the most dangerous predators and if one gets inside your trousers you’re as good as dead. For that reason, when hunting weasels, always tie some string tightly around the bottom of your trousers so they can’t get in. If one does gain access to your trousers, quickly ask a friend to whack it with a big stick or boulder. This may break your legs but it will save your bacon.

About the Author
    Anthony McGowan was born in Manchester in 1965. Before turning to writing full time, Anthony has worked as a nightclub bouncer, an Open University philosophy tutor, a cinema critic and a speechwriter in the Department of Culture, Media and Sport. He had his first novel for adults,
Stag Hunt
, published by Hodder in March 2004. He is married to Rebecca Campbell, a fashion designer and novelist, and they have two small children.
Hellbent
has been shortlisted for the 2006 Branford Boase Award.

Also by Anthony McGowan
    THE BARE BUM GANG AND
    THE FOOTBALL FACE-OFF
    THE BARE BUM GANG BATTLE
    THE DOGSNATCHERS
    THE BARE BUM GANG AND
    THE VALLEY OF DOOM
    www.barebumgang.com

THE BARE BUM GANG AND THE HOLY GRAIL
AN RHCP DIGITAL EBOOK 978 1 407 04898 7
    Published in Great Britain by RHCP Digital,
an imprint of Random House Children’s Publishers UK
A Random House Group Company
    This ebook edition published 2012
    Text copyright © Anthony McGowan, 2009
Illustrations copyright © Frances Castle, 2009
    First Published in Great Britain
    Red Fox 9781862303898 2009
    The right of Anthony McGowan to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
    This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorized distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
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