Free Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit by P.G. Wodehouse Page B

it paying its way yet?” and I say “No,
darling, it is not paying its way yet”, and he says “H’m!”, adding that if this
sort of thing goes on, we shall all be on the dole by next Christmas. It’s
become too much for me. It makes me feel like one of those women who lug babies
around in the streets and want you to buy white heather. So when I met Trotter
at Agatha’s, I decided that he was the man who was going to take over, if human
ingenuity could work it. What did you say?’
    ‘I said
“Oh, ah”. I was about to add that it was a pity.’
    ‘Yes,
quite a pity, but unavoidable. Tom gets more difficult to touch daily. He says
he loves me dearly, but enough is sufficient. Well, I’ll expect you tomorrow,
then. Don’t forget the necklace.’
    ‘I’ll
send Jeeves over for it in the morning.’
    ‘Right.’
    I think
she would have spoken further, but at this moment a female voice off-stage said
‘Three-ee-ee minutes’, and she hung up with the sharp cry of a woman who fears
she is going to be soaked for another couple of bob or whatever it is.
    Jeeves
came trickling in.
    ‘Oh,
Jeeves,’ I said, ‘we shall be heading for Brinkley tomorrow.’
    ‘Very
good, sir.’
    ‘Aunt
Dahlia wants me there to infuse a bit of the party spirit into our old pal
Percy Gorringe, who is at the moment infesting the joint.’
    ‘Indeed,
sir? I wonder, sir, if it would be possible for you to allow me to return to
London next week for the afternoon?’
    ‘Certainly,
Jeeves, certainly. You have some beano in prospect?’
    ‘It is
the monthly luncheon of the Junior Ganymede Club, sir. I have been asked to
take the chair.’
    ‘Take
it by all means, Jeeves. A well-deserved honour.’
    ‘Thank
you, sir. I shall of course return the same day.’
    ‘You’ll
make a speech, no doubt?’
    ‘Yes,
sir. A speech from the chair is of the essence.’
    ‘I’ll
bet you have them rolling in the aisles. Oh, Jeeves, I was nearly forgetting.
Aunt Dahlia wants me to bring her necklace. It’s at Aspinall’s in Bond Street.
Will you toddle over and get it in the morning?’
    ‘Certainly,
sir.’
    ‘And
another thing I almost forgot to mention. Percy has raised that thousand quid.’
    ‘Indeed,
sir?’
    ‘He
must have approached someone with a more biteable ear than mine. One wonders
who the mug was.’
    ‘Yes,
sir.’
    ‘Some
half-wit, one presumes.’
    ‘No
doubt, sir.’
    ‘Still,
there it is. It just bears out what the late Barnum used to say about there
being one born every minute.’
    ‘Precisely,
sir. Would that be all, sir?’
    ‘Yes,
that’s all. Good night, Jeeves.’
    ‘Good
night, sir. I will attend to the packing in the morning.’

 
     
     
    9
     
     
    It was getting on for the
quiet evenfall on the morrow when after a pleasant drive through the smiling
countryside I steered the two-seater in at the gates of Brinkley Court and ankled
along to inform my hostess that I had come aboard. I found her in her snuggery
or den, taking it easy with a cup of tea and an Agatha Christie. As I presented
myself, she gave the moustache a swift glance, but apart from starting like a
nymph surprised while bathing and muttering something about ‘Was this the face
that stopped a thousand clocks?’ made no comment. One received the impression
that she was saving it up.
    ‘Hullo,
reptile,’ she said. ‘You’re here, are you?’
    ‘Here I
am,’ I responded, ‘with my hair in a braid and ready to the last button. A very
merry pip-pip to you, aged relative.’
    ‘The
same to you, fathead. I suppose you forgot to bring that necklace?’
    ‘Far
from it. Here it is. It’s the one Uncle Tom gave you at Christmas, isn’t it?’
    ‘That’s
right. He likes to see me wearing it at dinner.’
    ‘As who
wouldn’t?’ I said courteously. I handed it over and helped myself to a slice of
buttered toast. ‘Well, nice to be in the old home once more. I’m in my usual
room, I take it? And how is everything in and around Brinkley