Free Settling Down by Nicole Forcine

lamppost as a child?” Tim replied over the phone, keeping his voice as sweet as ever. It wasn’t the fault of the newbies. They just needed a more experienced guide.
    “Well, I saw that scene in A Christmas Story ,” the wannabe Dom on the other end answered. “What’s that got to do with an ice dildo?”
    “Ice sticks to skin, vaginas, and tongues, so if you try to put one into your lady friend, what do you think will happen?”
    “…oh.”
    Gloria leaned on the counter and mimed eating popcorn. Tim glared at her and replied, “See, playing with ice can be fun, but it’s gotta be wet ice. A layer of water will prevent sticking. Also, telling her what you plan on doing will keep her from nearly leaping off the bed at the first touch. Give her a chance to refuse. Not everyone is crazy about cold play. The type of play and the band.”
    Wannabe didn’t even respond to Tim’s joke. “But if we’re playing and she’s my submissive, isn’t she supposed to just accept what I want?”
    Tim’s eyes widened. Emergency, emergency, educate immediately before this poor girl gets hurt. “Not if you don’t want a pissed-off girlfriend. Look, if you’re serious about this kind of play, we have a great bookstore right here next to the shop with a good selection of 101 books. You can learn negotiation and communication and all sorts of ways to make this fun for both of you.”
    A click answered Tim’s suggestion and he put the headset down. “I wish I could trace a number and find this fucker’s girlfriend before he sends her to the hospital.”
    Poppa, who was in the “safe” section with the porn, snorted. “How you don’t reach through that phone and strangle someone is beyond me.”
    “This from the man who was so sure no one wanted advice from a ‘swishy little queen’ like me,” Tim said with a soft smile. “You know if you buy one of those, the TSA is going to have a field day searching your bags.”
    “I ain’t buying nothing from here, boy,” Poppa grunted, but his eyes didn’t move.
    Gloria’s grin nearly split her face in half as she started to slink toward the section. “Oh really?”
    “Oh Lord.” Tim covered his face with his hands. If anyone could convince a shy customer to buy something tame, it was Gloria. “You’re ringing him up, and I don’t even wanna see it.”
    “Prude,” Gloria called back before stopping at Poppa’s side. “So thick women do it for you? I know just the videos for you….”
    Tim walked away from the counter to find somewhere less in earshot. Like among the packaged latex section. Bless Gloria and her wrapping skills. Tim could actually walk around this area without his skin itching.
    The bell over the door rang, and Tim turned, only to frown as Max entered, looking around until he saw Tim. Great. If Tim gave in to the urge to scream for the fucker to get out, Poppa would have to get his two cents in. Good thing he couldn’t get his shotgun through TSA.
    So Tim walked toward him, allowing some tart into his voice. “If you’re here to threaten me some more, you can turn your ass around and go right back out the door.”
    Max didn’t look the least bit impressed, and that deflated Tim’s balloon a little. Not even on his own turf could he defend himself. If he could get through this without losing his lunch, it would be a miracle.
    “Calm down. We wouldn’t want you passing out or anything. This is apparently the only place in town with Gun Oil, so I’d like to buy it and get out of here.” A smirk crossed his lips. “Looks like you haven’t been as mouthy as I thought. I’ve got a date with a pretty sub.”
    Ugh. At that point Tim would rather listen to his father’s porn preferences. He pointed to the lube displays. “Second display to the right. We’ve got three sizes. I’ll be at the counter.”
    It was the most unhelpful Tim had ever been in his own shop, but they both wanted this transaction over with. He didn’t want to think about