Free A Comfort of Cats by Doreen Tovey

cardigan, I had the Shetland sweater behind me, the smell he so disliked was coming from my direction. Ergo, the thing to do was to seize me by my woollen-clad arm, drag me to the door and wet on me .
    Â Â That, at least, was our interpretation of how his small mind worked about wool. With patience we could probably get him out of it, we thought. What we hadn't bargained for was Shebalu joining in the wetting game – for an entirely different reason.
    Â Â There was a strange tabby cat coming into our garden. She kept seeing it through the window and getting annoyed. Sass would flatten his ears round the curtain at it, pretend he was a tiger in ambush, leave off next moment to come and see what I was cooking... Not so Shebalu, who would yatter at the intruder like a machine-gun then make straight for the earthbox in the corner.
    Â Â We'd never had an earthbox in the living-room before. It had been installed as a mental prop for Sass. Now Shebalu would get into it, squat in girl-cat position, nattering away about Not Knowing what things were Coming To. As she talked, indignation would overcome her and she rose higher and higher in the box. As she did, the stream rose with her and inexorably hit the wall. Some people think that she-cats can't spray. They should have seen our Siamese hose.
    Â Â We dealt with the problem as best we could by tacking polythene sheeting against the wall. (We couldn't remove the box on account of Sass.) When we saw her rear begin to rise we gently sat her down, telling her that girls weren't supposed to do that. Eventually it dawned on us what was upsetting her. She thought the other cat was her rival for Sass.
    Â Â We were across in the orchard with the pair of them one day when the stranger happened along. We'd learned in the meantime that her name was Belle and she lived at the top of the hill. Seeing our two she came running through the grass towards them, obviously wanting to play. Sass looked interested. Shebalu growled and crouched. Belle turned tail and fled. Shebalu tried to chase her, but we had her on her lead, so instead she turned on Sass. In an instant she had him down and was kicking the daylights out of him. She'd seen him looking at That Hussy! she yelled. He'd been Encouraging her. No wonder she kept coming into Our Garden. She bet he'd sleep on her stomach if he could.
    Â Â We didn't realise it was jealousy at first. We separated them and carried them back to the cottage wondering what on earth had come over her. We put Sass down in the sitting-room, all round eyes and ruffled fur, and hovered ready to grab him if she sprang again. Instead she marched into the earthbox and sprayed heartily against the wall – not even bothering to sit first, she was so furious. She then came out, having relieved her feelings and sniffed at Sass, who was regarding her as if she were a Gorgon. Suppose she'd better clean him up, she said, and forthwith proceeded to do it.
    Â Â We'd have thought it was a momentary aberration – maybe she'd mistaken him in her anger for the other cat – but for the fact that from that time on she only had to catch the merest whiff of Belle, and she immediately pitched into Sass.
    Â Â Once I had to carry her down from the hillside behind the cottage completely beside herself with rage. Smelling Belle's scent on a gorse bush – seeing, which was worse, Sass interestedly sniffing at it – she'd leapt upon him with the fury of a Parisian Apache dancer. I separated them. She rushed at him again and I picked him up. She'd Kill Him when I put him down, she informed him. Sass, who always goes completely silent in moments of stress, dug his claws into my shoulder and prepared for take-off. I couldn't manage them both, so I let him go and grabbed Shebalu instead. She is half his size and easier to handle. Holding her firmly by her back legs and the scruff of her neck, I ran back along the hillside shouting for