Free The Z Word (A Zombie Novel) by Shaun Whittington

hand was now on my thigh. "Look, lovey. I really appreciate ye takin' me in and stuff, but me and that girl—"
    "Clare," I said, realising I hadn't introduced the pair.
    "We're in shock. You too, probably. Have ye seen the telly?"
    I nodded.
    "The world's goin' to the bloody shitter, and..." She did that thing where women flapped their hands, inches from their eyes to stop themselves from crying. "...we may not have much time left."
    We continued to talk for an hour and I told Kelly how I had found Clare and that I had to dispose of Abbie as well as her brother, which shocked her. I made her a cup of tea and went upstairs to see if Clare was okay. She was sleeping in one of the back rooms and I decided to leave her be.

Chapter Twenty Five
     
    The evening was a humorous affair. Once I had made up with Clare there was a better atmosphere within the house. At around 8pm we sat and put on Netflix and watched a TV programme that Kelly swore by.
    Every window in the house had been covered with curtains or blinds, and we all sat down to drink water and watch the programme.
    After two episodes we began to chat, and we began having a humorous talk about men, and I was feeling rather outnumbered. I was sitting in the middle of the couch with Kelly to my right and Clare to my left, nearest the patio doors.
    "I'm tellin' ye now," Kelly spoke. "Most men are shit in the sack. I'd rather just sit in with a chocolate bar and fud me sen rigid."
    Clare and I both laughed and despite her giggling, I could see that Clare was having a hard time understanding Kelly. I leaned over to Clare. "She means, she'd rather eat chocolate and play with herself," I whispered. " Me sen , means myself ."
    "Yes, I know," Clare huffed. "She just comes from a different part of the country; she's not speaking Swahili, you know."
    Kelly added, "I used to date this man and whenever we slept together, he would shout rock 'n' roll as he came. Then there was Mad Mick."
    Clare smiled. "Mad Mick?"
    "Another shag, lovey. Mick was okay, married, but okay. The only problem with Mick—"
    "Apart from the fact he was married," I interjected.
    "Yes," Kelly said with a little regret in her face, "that as well. Mick had terrible dandruff. I always used to insist tha' he took me from behind or I went on top. I did allow him to go on top once, but fuck me, it was like being pummelled in the middle of a blizzard."
    Both Clare and I felt ourselves laughing uncontrollably and it was a good feeling. Kelly then turned Netflix off and started going through the terrestrial TV channels. She left it on a channel called Film Four where we began watching Basic Instinct. We were at the scene where Michael Douglas was just starting to have sex with Sharon Stone.
    Clare and I became a little uncomfortable and Clare asked, "Anything else on?"
    Ignoring Clare, Kelly shook her head. "Look at tha'," she sniffed. "That's so fake."
    "They're acting," I responded sarcastically.
    We watched the uncomfortable scene and once it was done, it went to the infamous butt shot where Michael Douglas casually strolled to the bathroom. "And that's crap as well." Kelly giggled and made an annoying sniffing noise as if she had sinus problems. "If I was Sharon Stone, I'd be shouting: For fuck's sake, Michael, I've just had this floor cleaned, and you're dripping all over it ."
    I managed a smile at Kelly's crass, but funny comment. Clare was also smiling.
    Our laughter soon came to an abrupt end when we heard a thump at the patio door. Both women yelped and I also made a gasp that immediately embarrassed me.
    "What the frig was tha'?" Kelly asked no one in particular.
    Clare and I gaped at one another. I finally found my voice. "They're in the back garden."
    "Are ye sure?" Kelly put her hand over her mouth.
    "Go and check behind the roller blind," Clare urged me.
    I verbally retaliated, "Why don't you check?"
    "It's your house."
    She had a point, and even though I was becoming a bit of a veteran as a zombie