Free Pearls of Asia: A Love Story by Lee Geiger

what.”
    Mac took an immediate liking to Reyna. Her plus-size personality made it easy to forget her plus-size body. A passerby shoved Reyna in the back, and she used it as an opportunity to wedge herself between Mac’s legs. “You know,” she whispered into his ear, “if you take real good care of me, I can get you Sheyla’s phone number.”
    Mac fought the urge to tell Reyna he already had that information. Plus he didn’t want to give her the wrong impression. “Thanks, but I don’t think so. I’m sort of out of my comfort zone here.”
    “Honey, you have no idea what you’re missing,” she demurred. “Men who start dating TS’s rarely go back to GG’s. Just ask my boyfriend.”
    “Are we talking about women or movie ratings?”
    “I love first-timers,” declared Reyna, speaking louder so those around her could hear. “Now pay attention because we’re going to have a quiz later. A ‘TS’ means someone who is a transsexual. ‘GG’ stands for ‘genetic girl,’ also known as one of those nasty bitches you straight guys chase around the Marina.”
    “Okay, Reyna, you hooked me. What is so special about dating a TS?”
    “I’d love to show you,” she said, peering over his shoulder, “but there’s a line to the bathroom.”
    A bar manager called for Reyna’s attention. “Well Mr. Whoever You Are, nothing would make me happier than to climb onto your lap and chat some more with you, but I need to get ready for the Blowout Show. I do want to tell you one last thing that I like to say to all of my customers; a GG is good, a TS is better, but a PG is the best!’”
    “Now I’m confused. What is a ‘PG?’”
    “A PG is a Pearl Girl. You see, there are a lot of TS’s in San Francisco, but just like the movies, only the best girls ever get a PG rating.”
    Mac shook his head in mock confusion. “How about a ‘TMFA?’” he asked.
    “What’s that?”
    “Too Many Fucking Acronyms.”

     
    NO STRANGER TO A microphone, Reyna stepped onto the stage. “Okay people,” she announced, “Everyone should order another round and get ready for the Blowout Show. It’s time to fill up those nooks and crannies, and remember to tip the cooks and trannies.”
    For the next fifteen minutes, three girls stepped onstage and entertained the audience with a feast of sky-high heels, almost-there outfits, and provocative dance moves. At the end of each number, tables of customers feeling buzzed and brave would shout out the names of their sexy servers: Diamond, Nadia, and Ashley.
    Reyna stood on the middle of the runway and spotlighted diners who were celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, and for tonight at least, divorces. She asked tourists where they were from, then followed up by saying, “Thank you for coming to San Francisco, where men are men, and so are the women.”
    Reyna singled out the waitresses, each of whom stood on stage in the slinkiest of attire. “Ladies and gentlemen, it is now my pleasure to introduce to you the very special ‘Pearls of Asia.’”
    She led off with Diamond, who had more curves than Lombard Street. “You see before you this alluring and irresistible young lady. Her name is Diamond, because she shines brighter than anyone else. Most of you must be wondering ‘is she or isn’t she?’ Well, let me assure you, she is not a vegetarian.” The room erupted in laughter.
    Next up was Nadia, a skinny brunette who had the best legs of the bunch. “A lot of you wonder what we do when we’re not trying to seduce you. Well, this very special lady is a software engineer by day and a sexy vixen by night. Her specialty is turning your software… into hardware. For a small consultation fee, of course.” The revelers whistled and screamed.
    Last was Ashley, the newbie who danced the night before. “This statuesque blonde just turned twenty one, and she’s new to our horny harem. We like to call her ‘gifted,’ if you know what I mean. Her dancing is amazing, but you know