Free Andy Stevenson vs. The Lord of the Loins by Kage Alan Page A

thought I was sexually repressed based on an article in Reader's Digest , my father thought I needed to masturbate more often, my low self-esteem was once more giving me the finger, my best female friend on campus was going to hate me for sleeping with one of the many men she fantasized about, my best male friend thought I was into inbreeding because I slept with my cousin by marriage only and the guy I slept with who my best female friend fantasized about was a total slut who wanted to have meaningless sex with me again.
    Now, what was working in my life? I wasn't on academic probation. That pretty much summed everything up. Maybe life wasn't always sandy beaches, loud dance music and great-looking cousins by marriage only, but it should be.
    I finally drifted off into an uneasy slumber and prayed I would remember why I was bothering to get up in the morning before the alarm went off. After all, could this possibly get any worse?
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    8
    A week and a half of pure bliss went by, the kind one needs to fool oneself into thinking exists because it really doesn't. I wasn't having much luck with writing another short story. The only way I was going to pass this course was if I could come up with something that really dazzled Cathleen, something that went for the throat and wasn't that giant slimy mutated earwig Rueben last presented us with. Perhaps it came as no great surprise that Ryan and Kim were struggling with their own stories, too. Even Tristan had been strangely quiet. He was probably still busy licking his wounded ego ... or having someone do it for him. What mattered is that he was leaving me alone.
    Yet another week came and went, but I couldn't think of a single interesting or original idea. What had happened in my life that could be mistakenly identified as dramatic? I was convinced that not one interesting thing had ever happened to me in my entire existence. I'd never really been anywhere, and I'd never really done anything. My God, I had to be the most boring gay boy in the world! The only time I really ever felt full of life was...
    Was in California with Jordan. Okay, there was some drama, but it was kind of depressing and not very humorous. Or was it?
    Jordan really hadn't done anything funny, but I'd certainly looked like a complete ass. Maybe I was on to something here, and hopefully it wasn't that I looked like an ass a whole lot more often than just when I was out of state. No, there was a story here, and I did have my moments of pure idiocy.
    Ryan, when he would talk, claimed to be writing about a young straight boy who comes of age, so why couldn't I write about a young gay boy who comes of age? Of course, I wasn't exactly young when I came of age, but I'm sure it added a touch of the pathetic to my story much like it did my life. Heh-heh ... I'm pathetic. It just sounds funny.
    I pulled out a piece of paper and started scribbling down some notes. Apparently, I wasn't the only one coming alive again. Kim finally snapped out of her trance and decided to throw a party in honor of one of her sisters who was up for a visit, which was perfect because an old friend of mine from back home was going to be here as well. Kim didn't get along with this particular sister very well, and the party was probably an excuse so she could drink and forget she had to put up with what she called her “opinionated-thinks-her-shit-don't-stink-lower-dwelling-sibling-from-my-gene-pool."
    Ryan was invited, only he was out of town on a family trip, something that would inspire further angst for his stories. I told him that I'd put in a good word for him since Kendra, my friend from home who I've known since we were six, was single and that maybe she'd come up to visit again if things went well. As for me, I was looking forward to getting in a little relaxation.
    One other little perk tonight would be in meeting someone else Kim said she'd been “scoping out for some nocturnal noise.” One of the