Free Who I Am With You by Missy Fleming Page B

the one I saw last night, he gets my demons in ways no one else can.”
    “I wondered countless times what drove you to leave and now I have a tiny understanding of why. I lost my entire family, including you.”
    Catherine’s face paled, losing what little color it had when they began the conversation, and her breathing grew labored. Guilt slammed into Olivia.
    “I acted selfishly, too. I did the most selfish thing imaginable. I turned to drugs to numb the hurt instead of leaning on the family I had left. I can’t imagine how my actions hurt you. Hundreds of people were able to move on, so why not me? Why was I different?”
    “Have you learned the answers?”
    “Some.” Olivia stared at her hands fisted in her lap. “Drugs wiped my mind clean, swept away the nightmares and let me sleep peacefully. I realize now I suffered severely from PTSD, but without the help I needed, it spiraled out of control. The only way to stop it, and in a very strange way, keep myself alive, was to rely on chemicals. Of course, it nearly killed me anyway.” Olivia blinked away more tears threatening to fall from her lashes. “I was a coward. Drove myself to California, stopping only when my eyes refused to stay open. It’s a parade of shabby hotels and nights where I felt the floor shaking underneath me, dust clogging my nostrils. Most times, I was too scared to sleep.”
    Catherine’s tears returned and with them, a coughing fit violent enough to lift her off the bed. Olivia flew into action, offering water and napkins, her heart dancing a terrified rhythm. Slowly, her grandmother got herself under control.
    “I can stop,” Olivia said.
    “Nonsense. Today I feel decent, so I plan on taking advantage and speaking with my granddaughter. I’ll survive. For now. As hard as this is to hear, I need to, before it’s too late.” Catherine drew in a rattling breath. “I just have to ask, have you given up your addiction, once and for all?”
    “Grandmother,” she took Catherine’s frail hand in hers, “I’ll always be an addict. I struggle with it every single day, regardless of how much time has passed. I wanted to get high so bad yesterday I literally tasted it, felt it, but I found a meeting instead. Some days are easier than others. Being in New York again is difficult, as is facing everything I ran from, but I’m taking it one step at a time. It’s all I can do.”
    A determined spark manifested in the woman’s eyes, chasing away the dark clouds. “If you have a goal, such as returning to VDB, it’ll help you focus.”
    “I’m not sure what I can offer the company. And before you say anything else, let me explain. I discovered yesterday that many of the employees have heard what I was up to the last nine years. Maybe you were trying to be honest with the board when they asked or it filtered in through outside gossip, but you have to realize it negatively affects any chance I have of walking in there and being an authority figure.”
    “Nonsense, you are a Van den Berg.” Her voice dripped with arrogance. “You need Simon Greene’s support. Did you meet him?”
    Olivia sank into her chair and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yes, I met him and he essentially told me, ‘it’s about time, your grandmother deserves better’. I hadn’t said one word to him. Thomas introduced us. That was it. He judged me over the course of two seconds and found me lacking.”
    Catherine frowned. “Well, I admit his comment was inappropriate. Simon can be a bit of a quick trigger. I’m sure once you get in there and start contributing, he’ll realize the error of his judgment.”
    “There you go again, assuming I will do as I’m told.”
    “Oh posh. What else are you going to do? You’re home now, and it won’t happen overnight, but there’s a lot you can learn from him and Thomas. I’m sure you still have some of the Olivia I remember in there and you’ll rise to the challenge. Better yet, return to college