upright posture, I
can sense her unease. The sex thoughts pass, chased by an urge to hold her
against me and comfort her. Weirdly deep feelings for someone I barely know.
I
want to make her feel safe, but not just in the way a cop would. It’s more than
that. I want to be a friend to her, too.
We
walk to the door in an awkward silence that’s filled with questions that I want
to ask but I bet she won’t answer. The events of the evening seem to have
sapped all her energy. Before she can pull out her keys, I touch her shoulder.
I can’t let her go inside without at least trying.
"What
was going on between you and that guy, Allyson?"
She
seems torn, as though she wants to confide in me but doesn’t quite feel
comfortable enough to do so. I get it. It’s not like we're friends or family.
We’ve had two very strange interactions and at the last one I teased her
mercilessly and pushed her boundaries, maybe a little too hard.
I
hope that she sees that my concern is genuine. I want her to confide in me so I
can help her. I want to see the light in her eyes again, and if I’m honest, the
thought of that guy being anything more than a friend to her makes me want to
punch his lights out.
“We
were having an argument,” she says. “He’s my ex and he wants me back. That old
cliché!” She laughs in a way that sounds forced and maybe even a little
frantic. What he was doing to her wasn’t funny at all and I need her to
understand that if nothing else.
"The
way he was holding you, that wasn’t okay, Allyson.” I gently take her hand and
look pointedly at the red welts still present around her wrist. Before I get a
chance to comment any further, she pulls her hand away and uses the other to
cover over the sore patch.
“I
know. He has a temper. And he doesn’t like it if he doesn’t get his way.”
She’s
looking at me uncomfortably as though she knows I’m not entirely sure she’s
telling me the whole truth. I can’t help it that the cogs of my cop-brain start
turning. She turns away slightly and digs into the pocket of her jeans pulling
out a key. She reaches out to unlock the dorm lobby door.
“I
should go in,” she says, pushing the door. My hand slips from her shoulder and
immediately my palm misses her warmth.
"Will
you be okay?” I ask.
“Sure,”
she says. “I’m just gonna go straight to bed.”
“You
know I've got your back if you need me, Allyson.” I’ve kept my voice soft
because I want her to know she can tell me anything and I’ll treat her gently.
She turns to look at me and her eyes gaze into mine with so much worry in them
that it takes every last drop of strength in me not to pull her to my chest and
wipe away the tears I can see forming in her eyes. I lift a hand to brushes a
lock of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. We stare at each other,
frozen as we were the night at the restaurant, time passing at a rate that
seems both faster and slower than normal. I want to kiss her again but it isn’t
the right time. Instead, I pull out my notebook and write down my cellphone
number.
"You
can call me anytime, Allyson. Anything happens, or you just wanna talk."
"Okay.
Thanks."
"Anytime,
Allyson. I mean it. About anything."
"I
will. If I need to. I promise."
She
turns and walks through the door, closing it behind her. I wait until the lock
clicks into place then jog down the steps to get back in the squad car. It’s
instinctive that I look back to check that she’s in safely. Our eyes meet as I
gaze back at the dorm. She’s still standing where I left her and I know she
must have been watching me get back in my vehicle. I like that.
She
waves quickly and I nod in response. It’s as though neither of us wants to be
the first to leave but in the end, Simons clears his throat and I’m forced to
turn the ignition and drive so I don’t look like a complete love-struck idiot.
I
imagine her walking up to her little room, in a building that smells of
students. She