Free This Is the Life by Alex Shearer Page A

things, but faith isn’t knowing. Nobody knows what we’re doing here and they never will. We’ll go on dying until the world falls into the sun, and we’ll still never know. And that’s it. People can build you an airplane and send men to the moon but they can’t tell you what we’re doing here.”
    â€œWhat’s for dinner?” Louis said.
    â€œWhat do you want?” I said.
    â€œWhatever you’re making,” he said.
    â€œHow about eggs and chips and peas, followed by strawberries and yogurt?”
    â€œMan, you know how to live.”
    â€œNo need to be sarcastic.”
    â€œI wasn’t.”
    â€œLouis, when did you last eat strawberries?”
    â€œI don’t buy them.”
    â€œWhy not?”
    â€œThey’re pricey.”
    â€œLouis, I know how much you have in the bank.”
    â€œThat’s got to last me.”
    â€œLouis, you’ve got to get a new fridge here.”
    â€œWhat’s wrong with the fridge? Nothing wrong with the fridge. I’ve had the fridge a quarter of a century.”
    â€œThat’s what’s wrong with the fridge. And it looks even older than that.”
    â€œI got it secondhand. But it’s still got some life in it.”
    â€œThat’s precisely what’s worrying me, Louis. There’s life in your fridge I’ve never seen before. Gray, moldy, whiskery life that there probably isn’t an antidote for. And what about the half a grapefruit in there?”
    â€œI’m going to eat it.”
    â€œLouis, it’s gone brown. Brown and green.”
    â€œBe all right for a few more days.”
    â€œAnd while we’re buying you a new fridge, we may as well get a new washing machine.”
    â€œNothing wrong with the washing machine.”
    â€œIt doesn’t work, Louis.”
    â€œSo what? Apart from that, it’s fine.”
    â€œLouis, you’ve got it plumbed into the rainwater collection tank, and when you start the pump up, it floods the basement.”
    â€œA little water never did anyone any harm.”
    â€œAnd then you have to stand there next to it wearing wellingtons, otherwise your feet will get wet, holding your wristwatch in your hand and timing the cycle so you can changeit manually because the auto part of your so-called automatic washing machine doesn’t work.”
    â€œAh, but the matic part still works, doesn’t it?”
    â€œLouis, I don’t even know what the matic part is.”
    â€œYeah, well, you were never much of a scientist, were you? You’d never even have got your geography O level if I hadn’t given you private tuition.”
    â€œLouis, geography isn’t science.”
    â€œNo, it’s not brain surgery either.”
    â€œWhat’s that supposed to mean?”
    â€œIt means I’ve had brain surgery so I know what I’m talking about. And if you want to know about rocket science, I can explain that to you too.”
    â€œYou just can’t remember your PIN number.”
    â€œNo, I can’t! Bastard thing.”
    â€œYou just have to remember it as a time, Louis. Seven fifteen in the morning. What’s that in numbers?”
    â€œZero seven one five.”
    â€œYou’ve got it.”
    â€œWhat time did you say again?”
    â€œSeven fifteen in the morning.”
    â€œThat’s easy to remember.”
    â€œGood, so you’ve got it now, and the machine won’t keep your card again like it did.”
    â€œSeven fifteen. I can remember that.”
    â€œGood.”
    â€œAsk me what my PIN number is.”
    â€œWhat’s your PIN number, Louis?”
    â€œEasy. It’s nineteen fifteen. One nine one five.”
    â€œNo, Louis, no. It’s seven fifteen in the morning.”
    â€œWhat is?”
    â€œYour PIN number.”
    â€œThe bollocks it is!”
    â€œNo, it is, Louis, it is.”
    â€œA.m.?”
    â€œYes, a.m., not