Free Lolito by Ben Brooks

extremely drunk and failed to cum.
    ‘You’re so sexy,’ I say. I have never said ‘sexy’ in a serious context before and it makes me choke a little. I’m a person who says ‘sexy’ now. I’m a person who calls other people ‘sexy’. A little more wine, please, sexy. Okay, sexy, here you go. ‘You must work out.’
    ‘Thanks. Yeah. I like to run. Send yours.’
    ‘I look stupid in comparison. I don’t run. I should run. My body is ugly.’
    ‘We all think that sometimes, trust me.’
    ‘Okay.’
    I send it.
    ‘You’re sexy too. I love skinny guys.’
    And children?
    ‘Thanks.’
    ‘So, are you going to turn up here any time soon?’
    ‘Um. I don’t think so. Scotland seems far.’
    She laughs.
    ‘Oh, you meant. Yes. I am. I am lying underneath your bed. I am pressing my face against the shape of your body through this mattress.’
    ‘Come up and kiss me.’
    ‘Okay.’
    ‘Are you hard?’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘I’m wet already. I can feel it through the lace. I’m wet.’
    ‘I can feel it too. Against my knee.’ What? Against my knee. Jesus. Knees aren’t sexy. Say a different body part. ‘And my thumb.’ Good one.
    ‘Take off my bra.’
    ‘Your nipples are hard. I’m sucking and biting them. I’m squeezing your ass.’ ‘Ass’ is another very difficult word to say. Ass. Ass. Ass. I need to practise that.
    ‘Your balls are in my hand. They feel full.’
    ‘They are full.’
    A bit gross, but fine. Go with it.
    ‘I’ve turned you over and pinned you down.’
    ‘Okay.’
    ‘Taken off my panties and climbed onto your face.’
    ‘Your pussy is in my face now.’
    I give up.
    ‘It’s so wet.’
    ‘My tongue is inside of you. It is flicking against that bean at the top.’ I can hear a wet slapping sound coming from Macy. The same sound is also coming from me.
    ‘Mm.’
    ‘I am holding your thighs and rolling you back and forth.’
    ‘Fucking eat my pussy, you pathetic asshole.’
    ‘Um. I’m not really into that either.’
    ‘Oh, I just thought . . . because you did it. Okay. Keep eating.’
    She’s moaning. She’s moaning in long, low bursts, like a zombie. There are no sounds coming from my mouth. I don’t make sex noises. I’m anxious about sounding retarded.
    ‘Your turn,’ she says. ‘I’m kissing from your chin down. All the way down your naked body. Down your chest and your belly. To your hard cock.’
    ‘Great.’
    I’m terrible at every kind of sex ever invented.
    ‘Do you have hair?’
    ‘Yes.’
    Not really.
    ‘Good. I don’t like men who look like babies. I’m licking around your huge balls. Kissing up your shaft. Taking it in my mouth.’
    Why does she want me to have big balls so much? It doesn’t matter, I guess. I can have whatever she wants me to have. I can be her dream man.
    ‘Yes, my giant veiny balls. It feels good.’ I make my hand go slower. I’m scared of cumming. ‘On my massive balls. Thanks.’
    ‘Taking you all the way into my throat.’
    ‘I am pushing you off and bending you over.’
    ‘Fuck.’
    ‘Pulling your legs apart and pushing myself into you.’
    ‘Fuck, hon. It feels amazing.’
    ‘Putting my fingers between your fingers and my face into your hair.’
    ‘I’m pushing against you with my ass. Faster.’
    ‘Okay.’
    ‘Go faster. Fuck. Harder.’
    ‘I am fucking you.’
    ‘Harder.’
    ‘I’m trying.’
    ‘Harder.’
    ‘I’m honestly trying my best.’
    ‘Fuck me.’
    ‘I am.’
    I’m not.
    ‘Fuck.’
    ‘Fuck.’
    ‘Fuck.’
    ‘Yes’
    ‘Jesus.’
    I cum. I pull off the sock and throw it at the television. Macy does a high-pitched moan and a sigh. I go to shout ‘spilled wine’ and slam the computer but she says something that makes me stop. She says, ‘Oh, I wish you could snuggle through the computer.’
    There’s a pause. We’re panting.
    ‘You can sort of fuck. But you can’t hug afterwards. You’re alone. Even if you forgot for a second.’ She’s talking in between fast, windy breaths.