Free The World Outside by Eva Wiseman Page B

trying.
    I stopped in my tracks when the cold reality suddenly hit me. I finally realized that my parents would never have to be told about my ambitions because there wasn’t even the slightest possibility that a world-famous music school would accept me as a student. Why, I couldn’t even read music! There would be no harm ifI wasted my time filling out the application and mailing it back to Juilliard. Didn’t I owe David at least this much for going to all the trouble of getting it for me?
    I won’t be hurting anybody if I apply
, I told myself. I was sure of it.
    That night, I waited until the house fell silent, then crept out of my bed and tiptoed to my schoolbag. The creaking of the old wooden floor was as loud as thunder.
Please don’t let it wake up Mama
, I prayed silently.
    I took the application to the window and filled it out in the moonlight. I didn’t know how to answer some of the questions, so I left them blank. I hesitated at the last question, but then decided to leave it blank also. I folded the application and stuffed it into the envelope David had given me. Before sealing it, I took the pages out again and reread the last question. I stared at it for a long time.
    “Why do you want to sing?” the question read.
    “Because it makes me happy,” I wrote.
    Then I licked the envelope shut and put it back into my schoolbag. The next morning, I mailed the application before I had a chance to change my mind.

CHAPTER 9
    M y teachers were attending a conference, so I had a day off school. It was a treat to have breakfast with my family. Only Yossi was absent. He’d left for his yeshiva before I even woke up. Any other morning, I would be long gone too, having gobbled down something I’d grabbed from the fridge. But today was different.
    Baba sat next to me at the kitchen table. She was very quiet, her face pale. She fiddled with her food.
    “Are you feeling okay, Baba?”
    “I’m fine. I just have a little indigestion, a little tightness in my chest,” she said reluctantly. “I’m sure it’s nothing.” She broke off a corner of her toast and began to chew on it.
    Papa put down his fork. “Tightness in your chest? Mother, it could be your heart! You must see a doctor.”
    “I’ll make an appointment with Dr. Deutsch,” Mama said. She transferred some eggs from the frying pan to my plate before picking up the phone.
    “I’m not going to the doctor!” Baba shook her head, her fingers working at folding her napkin into smaller and smaller squares.
    “Nonsense!” Mama muttered as she dialed the doctor’s number and described Baba’s symptoms to the nurse. I heard her say, “Really?” and saw her eyes dart toward Baba. Finally, she said, “Thank you. I’ll have her there by two this afternoon,” and hung up.
    “The nurse thinks you should see Dr. Deutsch as soon as possible,” she said to Baba.
    “I’m not going. There’s nothing wrong with me.”
    Mama glanced in Papa’s direction. “But I already made the appointment.”
    “Do it for me, Mother. You know how much I worry about you,” Papa said. “Go, just to put my mind to rest.”
    Baba took a deep breath. “Well, if it’s so important to you, Natan, I’ll go. But I’m only doing this because I don’t want you to worry.”
    After lunch, I put Moishe down for his nap and went to the kitchen to say good-bye to Mama. She was at the table with a cup of coffee in her hand. I plopped down beside her.
    “Good luck with Baba. I hope the doctor doesn’t find anything serious.”
    She nodded. “I hope so too. But the sooner Baba has her checkup, the better. What will you do while Moishe sleeps?”
    “My homework. I have to write a book report.”
    “Take Moishe for a walk after he wakes up. I’ll go to the supermarket with Baba on the way home. We should be back by dinnertime.” She pointed to a large casserole dish on the counter. “I prepared it this morning. Put it in the oven at four o’clock to warm.”
    “I