Free Being There by T.K. Rapp

yourself.”
    Now it's my turn to be evasive, so I plaster my brightest smile and assume innocence. I just need to keep it up for the weekend, and then I will tell her everything. "I'm totally acting like myself," I say with a little too much exaggeration.
    “No, there has been something off since I talked to you the other day. First you said you wanted to go on this trip, which we both know you normally fight like crazy and then you are just being, well… cheerful .” She shudders as if it made her physically react.
    I frown at her, “I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was supposed to be un -cheerful? Is that even a word?”
    “See! That, right there! You are serious, like all the time. This, whatever this is,” she waves her hand over my very existence, “is not you! You’re acting weird and I don’t like it.”
    I am totally confused, is she saying I'm boring?
    “What in the hell are you talking about? What is it that I am supposed to be, exactly ,” I’m getting pretty annoyed with this conversation.
    “Honest. How about you are just honest with me?” Before I have time to react she whips the car to the shoulder, throwing debris behind us as she comes to a stop. She throws the car into park and turns to face me with a serious look, prompting me to answer her.
    “What?” I ask, in total exasperation.
    “’Fess up,” she demands. “What are you not telling me?”
    I know my body language gives me away when I sink into my seat. Keeping a secret from Nevaeh is pointless, because she won’t give up until she gets what she wants. If I don't give her something, she will watch me like a hawk all weekend waiting for some indication of what I’m hiding and we cannot have that. She raises her eyebrows expectantly and I’m forced to say something.
    “Fiiiiine!” That’s not what I wanted to say, but it’s what comes out, so I take a moment to compose myself. Just breathe, Cass , I think to myself.
    This weekend is not about crying or anything else, it's about having fun and enjoying my friends. If she knows everything , it will put a damper on the getaway, and that’s the last thing that I want. So I have to tell her parts of what’s happening without giving it all away.
    “When you called the other day, I had just finished at the doctor. He wants to run tests because I had found a lump, so I’m having it checked when we get back." I say it all in almost one breath because I’m trying to make light of it. I can’t tell her that I have already had a second opinion. I can’t tell her that I have cancer, because it will make it that much more real for me. Despite how bad I feel for not telling her everything, I’m just not ready to deal with all that comes with revealing it now, and I hope this tidbit will be enough to hold her for a while.
    Her eyes are so worried, and I know she's trying to sift through the bits I just shared. “So do they think it’s cancer?”
    “They don't want to speculate anything, so we’ll get more tests when I get back and go from there,” I say nonchalantly, even though I just had my breakdown last night because I do know the results.
    She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. I just nod, because I know what she's asking, and I give her what she needs. "I'm fine, I promise. I'm not going to worry about it right now. I am on a road trip, with my best friend. What more could a gal ask for?" And it's the truth, because I already know what waits when I get back, and until then, there isn’t anything I can do anyway.
    She nods in agreement and reaches over to pull me into a big hug. Well, as big of a hug as you can receive over an SUV console. Nev takes a deep breath as she sits back in her seat. Slowly easing back on to the road, she drives toward our destination, but she looks lost and I want to snap her out of it. “Penny for your thoughts?” I ask warily. A smile appears. A smiling Nev is what I want to see right now.
    “Oh, you know me, it’ll cost more than a penny,”