Free The Plunge by Sindhu S. Page A

through the books. He slowly indoctrinated her into his way of thinking, at least to an extent.
    She tried to convince him that physical love was entirely avoidable, pointing out characters from immortal love stories. He argued that if lovers were attracted by physical features, there was surely an element of lust. He said that a man felt love for a woman only when he was aroused by her body and sex was a must for him to feel committed. She foolishly hoped to change him and his approach to women, and to prove him wrong.
    Once, he bluntly expressed his desire for her. They were in the midst of a professional discussion for promoting a health centre, when he stunned her with his proposal, “Marry me.” Anjali felt nervous when he stared into her eyes and said those words. His face was tense and his lips were trembling. Never before had they discussed love between them. She froze, tried to read his face, to know if it was a joke. His gaze convinced her that he was not just serious, but desperate for her.
    Before long, she realised he was interested in her body. They were watching the movie Salaam Mumbai . During a particularly steamy scene, he thrust her hand to his groin to feel a massive erection. She was terrified. That had been her closest sexual experience thus far.
    “That’s what happens to men when they get excited,” he had whispered into her ears. “Let me feel you,” he pleaded. She felt scared when his breath fell on her face. She plucked his hand off her thigh. Thankfully, he did not attempt anything more.
    He repeatedly proposed to her during the week. Though she did not feel love for him, she wanted to go through the motions. It felt good to be desired by a man. Four years after Madhav had expressed his lust, this was certainly another level. Rasheed was talking of marriage, a committed relationship. That was exciting.
    He looked at her longingly, one evening, inching closer.
    But was it love? She felt anxious.
    “Let’s get married,” he repeated impatiently.
    All she could ask was, “When?”
    “How about now?”
    Her hands turned cold, and a shudder travelled through her body. It sounded like a bold idea. But was it possible to get married just like that to somebody you had never been in love with? He had kissed her on her cheeks before she knew what to say.
    It was her first kiss from a man, the first kiss she ever remembered from anyone. Did anyone kiss her as a baby, as a child? Amma or ammamma? She could not recall any such moment.
    Madhav had never kissed her. But he had probably never loved her. And perhaps this wasn’t love either.
    Rasheed was playing with her emotions. Maybe she was an experiment for him. He probably wanted to bed a difficult woman. “Reserved” is how colleagues at their office described her. She knew they meant walled, cold, icy, frigid…
    An urge to play along and defeat him at his own game came over her.
    “Let’s see,” she finally said. “We need to convince our families first.”
    He didn’t seem pleased, but agreed to her suggestion.
    A week later, things moved further. They had to travel to Kannoor for the promotion of a client’s fitness centre. They decided to spend the night at the branch office of their agency, which had a guest room for senior management on tour.
    Rasheed was at his tempting best that night. She allowed him to fondle her, but when it came to the actual act of lovemaking, she pushed him away. She could not allow a foreign element into her body. No way.
    He looked grumpy and frustrated when night turned into dawn. They drifted around the city with heavy eyelids, disoriented.
    On their return, she waited for a few days before asking him about the marriage he was so keen on before the trip. He had evaded the question for a few days before coming up with a ridiculous excuse. “My father said he would give talak to my mother and remarry if I brought home a Hindu bride,” he had said with a fake sulk.
    “Liar.” She was not sad, only