guitar and sing his original songs in pubs under the stage name James Why. (Incidentally, since coming to work at Riskey and Gamble, James has not performed live once. He has not written a single new song. He hardly even sings in the shower anymore.)
Harry and Baldy speed-walk through the office, neither interacting with any of their inferiors. Both men would rather be out on a members-only golf course or at the club drinking premium Scotch with other men in five-thousand-dollar suits. When they actually show up at their twenty-seventh-floor business, they prefer the sunlit, polished-wood panelling of their adjacent corner offices to the fluorescent glare and putty-grey of their minionsâ cubicles. Also, Harry and Baldyâs offices have well-stocked mini-bars, while the proles make do with a coin-operated coffee machine (currently out of order).
As Harry Riskey passes Jamesâs cubicle, he grunts, âGawd-dammit, Jimmy, Iâm not paying you to daydream.â
James hates it when Harry calls him âJimmy.â It makes him feel like some subservient pup, nipping hopefully at the Big Bossâs heels (which is exactly how Harry Riskey wants his son-in-law to feel). It is never wise to correct Harry, though, so James once again allows himself to be called âJimmy.â
âWell, actually,â James says, âI just got off a call with a client who agreed to ââ
âThen get on another call!â Riskey barks. âSelling insurance policies pays the bills around here, and your salary is one of the bills. So sell some more gawd-damned insurance policies, Jimmy!â
James assumes that Harryâs aggression is just alpha-male posturing meant to impress Baldy, but he still finds the bile difficult to swallow. Thanks to his friend Ranjeev in Accounting, James knows that he is the top salesperson in his division, yet he takes home the lowest salary. But he also knows better than to complain. Riskey and Gamble Insurance has a closed compensation system, meaning that nobody is allowed to know how much money anyone else makes. The theory is that removing wage competition between employees creates a more âtrustingâ work environment. This âtrustâ is well enforced, contractually: Any employee of Riskey and Gamble can and will be terminated without severance for revealing their financial compensation to another employee.
âWell, donât just sit there with your mouth open, Jimmy,â Harry huffs over his shoulder as he struts away from Jamesâs cubicle, âget on anothercall, for Chrissakes! Winners win, and losers lose. You have to decide which one youâre going to be, and be it. Have you even started reading the Book yet?â
Of course, âthe Bookâ that Harry is referring to is:
YOU DESERVE BETTER!
YOU DESERVE MORE!
Rule the Boardroom! Rule the Bedroom! Rule the World!
Harry was overjoyed when he discovered that there was already a copy in James and Sidneyâs house; he and Baldy both have signed copies displayed prominently atop the desks in their respective corner offices.
James ignores the question about the Book, and says, âActually, Harry, Iâm just wrapping up my cold-calling docket, so I can ââ
Harry stops in his tracks, and, without turning around, says, âDonât call me Harry when weâre in the office, Jimmy.â
âUm, sorry, Mr. Riskey,â James rephrases, âbut what I was trying to say earlier was that Iâm wrapping up my calls for the day because Iâve got the afternoon off. I cleared it with Sanchez last week. If I donât leave right now, Iâll be late for my appointment.â
âYou can reschedule your manicure for the weekend, Jimmy,â Harry says.
From inside his office, Baldy guffaws and then breaks into one of his frequent coughing fits. His daily lunchtime cigar-and-cognac habit isnât doing his aging body any favours.
âWell,
Eugene Walter as told to Katherine Clark