Free What She Wanted by Julie Anne Lindsey Page A

my heart grew more frantic the closer I got to home.
    The words circled continuously through my mind: Katy Lowe. Halfway through her journal, Mom had doodled his name into hearts and over the curve of tiny rainbows. She’d paired our first names with his last and added “4-Ever” again and again.
    She had no idea forever lasted barely a year for me.
    The awful truth had slapped me over the head as I read to Mark in the little hospital room. Mom didn’t know Joshua had become a drunk or that he’d skipped out after she died. She’d assumed he’d be here for me in her absence. She had no idea her mom had died or that I’d been left alone with a man who didn’t want me.
    I heaved a painful sob. What would she think of the mess our lives had become?
    I couldn’t hug Grandma and tell her Mom loved her. She’d died of a broken heart, according to Mark. When her cancer came back, he said she didn’t fight. He said, “Without her daughter, it just wasn’t worth the fight.” I heard, “You aren’t worth the fight.”
    I slid my house key into the lock and stepped into the silent foyer. My keys slipped from my fingers into the dish by the door.
    I went straight for the box of Mom’s things. Why had she loved such an asshole?
    I found him easily in the yearbooks. He was photographed, alphabetically, with his class, in group shots of the baseball and football teams, and ROTC. Where had he gone wrong? Was he drinking back then?
    Where had he been for seventeen years? Why was he back now? What was wrong with me that I didn’t want to care?
    I took the stairs to my room two at a time.
    A wave of heat hit my face as I pushed my bedroom door open. I choked on the stale air.
    My phone lit with a text from Heidi. “Are you up? I need more details about Dean and his ‘pizza.’”
    I swiped my laptop to life before responding. “Stop putting ‘pizza’ in quotes. Weirdo.”
    “Tell me more.”
    I ignored her request and made one of my own. “Come and help me cyber stalk Joshua.”
    Her response came in the form of about thirty exclamation points.
    I carried my laptop downstairs where it was cooler.
    I’d already told Heidi everything about Dean’s visit. We’d texted on the topic for an hour after he left. He was nice and not what I’d expected, which said a lot. Thanks to a lifetime of cynicism and general distrust, most people didn’t surprise me, but Dean had. He seemed like a sincere, kindhearted person. The package he came in was frosted with beefcake icing, but I wasn’t one to complain.
    I put on a pot of coffee and went to wait out front.
    The porch swing creaked on rusty, oversized springs. I waited for the jostle to settle and balanced the laptop on my thighs.
    Heidi’s Mini Cooper slid against the curb ten minutes later. She bounded up the front stairs and onto the swing beside me. “What kind of dish are we looking for?” A floral silk headscarf anchored her crazy red hair into place. A strappy peach tank top and jean skirt accentuated her perfect Tinkerbell figure.
    “I’m done.” I gave a summary of the half dozen windows open on my laptop. “Joshua Lowe is thirty-five. He spent twelve years in the Army after high school and has lived in three towns in the last five years. He was living in Caldwell until he moved here. He hasn’t stayed at a job longer than two years since he got out of the service, and he has a bunch of speeding tickets. He has a Facebook page he never updates and a Tinder account I don’t want to talk about.”
    Heidi faux gagged beside me. She pressed tangerine fingernails against her lips. “He lived in Caldwell?” She dropped both hands into her lap. “You were just there. You took that picture of a girl and her mom.”
    “Yep.”
    “So, he lived half an hour away and just now came to see you?”
    “Yep.” My stomach twisted. “I hate him.”
    “Me too.”
    I clicked the laptop’s lid shut and stretched to my feet. I waved Heidi to follow me inside, and I headed