Free Soldier from Heaven (9781629021911) by Christine Thomann Page A

tried to act jolly in response to her giggles and coos. But all the while, I was thinking about what to do with Jacob. I didn’t know what else to do to heal him. Pete would know. I couldn’t wait to see him so he could tell me what to do.

    “Pete, Pete, I need you. Please, come to me.”
    I was in my bedroom calling for Pete and so frustrated that he wasn’t already there. He always seemed to be there when I needed him without me having to call him.
    “ Pete. ”
    “What’s wrong, baby?”
    “Oh, Pete, I don’t know what to do. Jacob is hurting so badly. He is changing. He’s devastated by all of this, and I don’t know what to do.”
    “You are already doing what you should be doing.”
    “Oh really, that’s your answer. This is the help God’s sending me? ‘You are already doing what you should be doing?’ Are you kidding me? Jacob is damaged. What the hell is God letting happen to our son?”
    I was screaming with anger and then quickly tried to contain myself so I wouldn’t wake Mary from her nap. I began pacing the floor in desperation. I was lost, and Pete wasn’t giving me much direction.
    “Catherine, calm down. This is a normal reaction.”
    “It’s not normal,” I cried without restraint. “What is normal about a twelve-year-old-boy losing his father? What is normal about him feeling like a loser because of it? What is normal about a once stubborn and outspoken young boy turning into a quiet, sulking kid? Normal was Jacob mouthing off because he was asserting independence while going through puberty. Remember? This is not his normal.”
    “Catherine, this too shall pass. And down the road you will see that it is a normal part of his grieving. He will not be damaged. I promise you that. You are doing the right thing. You are there for him, and you are helping him through this. Be thankful that he is sharing his feelings with you. That is the most important part of coping. Be thankful he isn’t distancing himself from you and holding his feelings in. That is when true damage is done. He is sharing, and he had a mother ready to help. All of this is still fresh. It’s only been a few months. He got through summer great. You saw some happiness. Now he has to get through school. It’s another part of his life that he has to get used to doing without me. He hasn’t been to school since I’ve gone, and that’s why he’s like this. It will be a new experience. But he will come through as he did this summer. Progress is being made. Just keep being there for him. Everything will be fine.”
    “Really? This is not—,” I said as I turned to see he had already gone. Pete gave his advice and was gone. I supposed that was a good thing. I didn’t have the chance to fire back at him and keep the argument going. Instead, I was left alone to reflect on his words. He was right. This too would pass. But it was just so hard and painful. I couldn’t wait to be over these feelings. I couldn’t bear to see my child hurting so much. I just wanted my old Jacob back. I wanted to hear the back talk. I wanted him to tell me no once in a while. I could learn to deal with that. But that sad boy just wasn’t Jacob. I had to keep trying to make things better for my son.

    I tried to talk to Jacob about his outburst after school that day, but he insisted he was alright. I didn’t want to push the issue but reassured him he could talk to me when he was ready. The next school day, I felt a little unsettled because of the first day’s incident. I dropped him off at school and hoped for the best. Jesse turned out to be in his homeroom and a few classes so that made me feel a little better. But it wasn’t long after lunch that I received a phone call from the school’s assistant principal.
    “Hello? Yes, this is Mrs. Schultz. Jacob did what? Okay, I’ll be right there.”

    “Please come in, Mrs. Schultz. Have a seat.”
    I sat down in the chair across from Mrs. Kan and next to Jacob. I glanced over at Jacob,