Free Soldier from Heaven (9781629021911) by Christine Thomann

as early as planned. And of course, Mary decided to wake up in the middle of pancakes on the griddle and with a very dirty diaper. Against my better judgment, I let her talk in the crib until I got the pancakes plated. I didn’t want the boys’ breakfast burned. I rounded up the boys to eat, and then tended to Mary. She wanted pancakes too, but there wasn’t time. I gave her some dry cereal to hold her over until we got back from dropping the boys off at school. It was evident that the school year had begun. We were back to our chaotic mornings. Lunches were packed, the boys finished eating, they brushed their teeth, combed their hair, hurried to put on their shoes, and we all rushed to the car.
    Not surprisingly, Jacob was less than enthusiastic to start the year, but Ben had a smile on his face as he was officially in the number grades. We arrived at Ben’s school first since it started an hour earlier than Jacob’s. The four of us walked into his school and found his classroom. I knew his teacher well since I volunteered often, went to all of the functions, and was a member of the PTO. Mrs. Oksen kindly greeted Ben and welcomed me into the classroom to help Ben find his seat and get settled. He was amazed to see that he had his own desk and did not have to sit at a table with others. He felt like a big boy and was alright with kissing me good-bye right away. He also kissed Mary and hugged his brother, wishing him luck at the big school. We left Ben and loaded into the car for the second drop off.
    I pulled into the middle school and glanced at Jacob. He was still in a mood. I had hoped our talk would help, but he didn’t seem any different.
    “How about I park and walk you in? I would love to meet your teacher this morning.”
    “No, that’s okay Mom. No other parents will do that, and you’ll embarrass me. Besides, I was here last year. I know where I’m going.”
    “Okay, but we still have some time, so I’ll park and we’ll chat a while.”
    “You can just let me out, Mom, we’re not that early.”
    “Okay, if you insist. Are you okay? You seem a little down.”
    “I’m fine. I just don’t want to go to school.”
    “I know, but it will be great.”
    “No it won’t. It’s not the same.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “Now I don’t have a dad.”
    Jacob got out of the car abruptly and slammed the door. I jumped out after him and grabbed him.
    “Jacob, honey, don’t leave like this. I know how you’re feeling, but everything will be fine.”
    “No it won’t. Now I’m one of those kids with only one parent.”
    “There’s nothing wrong with that Jacob. Besides, you are different from so many others. Most of them are with one parent because they have one that doesn’t care enough to be with them or because of divorce. You come from a loving family with two parents who loved each other enough to stay together. Your father died, Jacob. He didn’t choose to leave you.”
    “Just go, Mom. I’ll be fine.”
    “I can’t leave you when you feel like this Jacob. Come back in the car and sit a while.”
    “No, I’ll be fine. I just won’t talk about it. I’ll see you later.”
    “Okay,” I said as I hugged him tightly. “I love you.”
    “I love you too, Mom.”
    I watched him walk across the parking lot with his head held down, a sight I had never seen before. He seemed beaten down. He seemed to have lost his sassiness and confidence to conquer the world. His perfect family that he fit so well into was missing a huge piece. His picture perfect world would never look the same. When he disappeared through the school gates and was out of sight, I got back into the car. It took all of my strength not to run after him and take him home. He was right. Our family was like the imperfect ones. We were no longer special. Those feelings of anger and resentment were welling up inside of me again. This tragedy was taking my son down too. What would I do?
    Back home with Mary, I fed her pancakes and