Free Never Turn Back by Lorna Lee

have a serious talk with her about her “good ideas” very soon. “You know a good man willing to help me?”
    Tuula laughed. “I know many men who would consider it their pleasure to help you. Actually, they would think you were helping them .”
    “Maybe I should.” For the first time Meri saw a benefit in Tuula’s line of work. What would Papa think of me now? Is this what I must do to become successful in Paris?
    “The only other thing you should know is protecting yourself.”
    Dark green flecks inked Meri’s gray eyes. “Why do I need protection? You said you would find a man who will be nice and gentle.”
    “I’m not talking about protection from harm, although, as a woman, you always need to think about how to get away from men who like to treat a woman rough. Their privates and their eyes are the best targets for a good strong poke with your fingers, elbow or knee. I’m talking about protection from pregnancy and diseases.”
    “What diseases?”
    “Goodness, Meri, you really are innocent! Syphilis and gonorrhea mostly. They’re the worst. Then there are the bugs, but most men I’m with are family men and they’re careful, so I stay clean of disease and those nasty bugs. They itch. As long as the men you’re with are higher class, you shouldn’t have to worry about diseases. Pregnancy is a big a worry, though.”
    Meri’s stomach flip-flopped and she felt light-headed. This is getting so complicated and frightening. I should forget the whole thing. Meri twisted the hen of her skirt. She paused and surprised herself by what came out of her mouth. “What do you do about pregnancy?”
    “Condoms. But they are illegal, so they’re hard to find.”
    “Condoms?”
    “Meri, you don’t know about condoms?” Tuula sighed. She went to her bedroom and came out with a small square packet. “A condom.” Tuula handed it to Meri. “It’s a rubber thing that fits over the man’s hard popol and catches all the stuff squirting out when he has an orgasm.”
    Meri looked at the small packet and then at Tuula. Questions covered her face. “Tuula, I don’t understand.” Tuula I don’t want to do this.
    “Oh right. I didn’t explain sex yet. Sorry. After the man is hard, he sticks his thing in the woman’s vagina. The place between your legs? He pumps back and forth until he has an orgasm. During the orgasm, his sperm spits out of his popol and into the woman or into the condom. Hopefully, the woman gets some pleasure out of all the pumping and she has an orgasm, too.”
    Meri put her hands over her mouth, suppressing a contemptuous howl. She finally managed civil words. “Is sex pleasurable for you?”
    “Sometimes.”
    Meri shuddered.
    “Sex can be great with the right man, Meri. With a so-so man, sex is often mechanical. Being a little drunk helps a lot.” Tuula smiled.
    “Does the man have the condom or does the woman?”
    “Good question, Meri. You should bring one just in case. As I said, they’re hard to find.”
    “Why, Tuula?”
    “Oh, the stupid French government made them illegal after the war to end all wars. They want women to have dozens of children. For what? For more soldiers for another war? To keep women busy at home? I don’t know.” Tuula waved her hand as if dismissing a child.
    Again, Meri surprised herself by asking, “How do you find these condoms if they’re against the law?” More worried than before—Meri faced sex and breaking the law.
    “If you go to the places I go, they’re everywhere. Making things against the law only makes them more desirable. It’s human nature. You have to know who to ask and how to ask for them.”
    “Will you help me find these condoms?” Meri felt as if she were two people living in one body: Papa’s good girl and Mamma’s wicked trouble-maker. This conversation brought both personas up against each other, and the wicked girl seemed to be winning. Papa’s good girl felt sick with shame but kept her feelings to