Free Raising Steam by Terry Pratchett

thought mebbe I’d hitch up t’wagons and put in some little seats, and offer them all the chance of a ride behind her. If Sir Harry’s agreeable, that is.’
    ‘There is of course the question of public safety,’ said Vetinari. ‘Did I hear you say earlier you have blown up … “one or three” I think was the phrase?’
    ‘I made those explode a-purpose, to see exactly how it ’appened. That’s the way to get the knowledge, you see, sir.’
    ‘You take your work very seriously, Mister Simnel. And have any other engineers evaluated your findings? What I’m asking, Mister Simnel, is what is the judgement of your peers?’
    Simnel brightened up. ‘Oh aye, sir, if you mean Lord Runcible, sir, he’s our landlord over at Sto Lat, but when I asked him, he laughed a lot and said it were amazing what people got up to and told me just not to run Iron Girder in the pheasant season while they were mating.’
    ‘Indeed,’ said Vetinari. ‘If I might rephrase my question, what is the verdict of other engineers who have seen your wonderful machine working?’
    ‘Oh, I don’t think
anyone
calling ’imself an engineer, except me and my lads, has ever seen Iron Girder, although I’ve heard that over in Nothingfjord a couple of lads’ve made a damn good steam pump for getting groundwater out of mines and suchlike. All very interesting, but not as interesting as Iron Girder herself. I’d like to go visit them for a pint and a chat one day, but as you can see I’m busy, busy, busy all the time.’
    ‘Your lordship,’ said Harry, ‘I respect Mister Simnel because I’ve seen that he’s one of those men who tuck their shirt into their trousers and that says
dependable
to me. Now, there’s a line ofpeople out there who really want to whizz about behind the lad’s … er … locomotive. I reckon they’ll pay top dollar for taking a ride on the very first one of its kind. And the people of Ankh-Morpork are so thirsty for novelty that the whole city is, you might say, hurrying the future along for the sheer joy of watching its progress. So I’m thinking that every man and boy and possibly even their ladies would like to have a ride on this wonderful machine.’
    ‘And should we count the risk, when simply to live in Ankh-Morpork is to shake hands with risk every day of the week?’ murmured his lordship. ‘Mister Simnel, you have my goodwill, such as it is, and I can see a twinkle in the eye of Sir Harry, a man who, if I may say so, looks like someone who intends to be an investor, although, of course, that is entirely up to him and you. I am no tyrant …’
    There was a moment of hushed silence around the table and Lord Vetinari continued, ‘That is to say I am not a tyrant stupid enough to take a stand against the zeitgeist, but, as you know, I am the man who can steer it with care and consideration. That is why I intend to speak to the editor of the
Times
this very evening to leave him, as he would say, in the loop. He always likes to be consulted, it makes him feel important.’
    His lordship smiled and said, ‘Amazing, how
do
we think up these things? I wonder, indeed, what will come next.’
    The atrocity of the attack on the clacks tower at Sto Kerrig, which had so recently been a lifeline to the world for the people in the town, shocked everyone. As Adora Belle Dearheart looked at the wreckage in the gathering dusk, she was not surprised to see a very large and handsome wolf approaching at speed and, unlike most wolves, carrying a package between its jaws. The wolf disappeared behind a haystack, and shortly afterwards out of the haystack came a handsome female, only marginally dishevelled, wearing the uniform of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch.
    Captain Angua, the most notable werewolf in the Watch, said, ‘Oh my, they’ve certainly made a mess, haven’t they? And are you sure that only one of your people was hurt?’
    ‘Two goblins, captain, but they bounce well. Quick-witted, too. Can you imagine, they