Free Cookie's Case by Andy Siegel Page A

I’m gonna punch you in the nose.”
    We proceed into Judge Brown’s chambers. I’ve got two tight fists, just in case.
    She’s out of her robe. There are four chairs in front of her desk, each pair on either side of a small table dividing the good guys from the bad. As we seat ourselves, she gives a stern look to Wilbur.
    â€œMr. Hernandez, do you know why I brought you back here?”
    â€œUh, no, Your Honor.”
    â€œI brought you back here because you have made a very serious allegation in open court. You stated, on the record, that Mr. Wyler suborned perjury by having his client testify that the front wheel of the truck ran over his client’s foot, and not the rear wheel, as she believed to be the truth. Am I correct on that?”
    â€œUm, yes, Your Honor.”
    â€œCan you tell me on what page and line number it is in her transcript where she testified falsely that the front wheel of the truck ran over her foot?”
    â€œNo, I cannot, Your Honor.”
    â€œAnd why not, Mr. Hernandez?”
    â€œBecause I don’t possess a copy of her transcript.”
    â€œYou mean to tell me you made an allegation of suborning perjury in open court against another attorney without first having in your hands the subject transcript to verify the claim and back up your assertion?”
    â€œYes, Your Honor. But my client was sure.”
    â€œWell, certainly you must have gone to Mr. Wyler’s office and at least reviewed the transcript before making this allegation in open court.”
    â€œNo, Your Honor.”
    Quickly, things become hostile. She shakes her head in disapproval.
    â€œ Tsk , tsk , tsk , Counselor. Well, I just read every word of this transcript, and nowhere here does she testify that it was the front wheel of the truck that ran over her foot, the proposed statement of suborned perjury. In fact, it states the exact opposite. She testified that the rear wheel of the truck ran over her foot, which is what she testified to be the truth of the matter here in court yesterday. So, by definition, there can be no perjury or the suborning thereof, because she testified both at her EBT and again here in court to what she believed to be the truth of the matter. Would you like to read this deposition to confirm what I am saying?” She extends the transcript to him across the desk.
    â€œNo, Your Honor. I’ll take your word for it. Her memory, it seems, may be faulty.”
    â€œMr. Hernandez, when we go back on the record, I am going to dismiss the allegations against Mr. Wyler in their entirety and issue an order entitling him to ninety-five percent of the attorney fee. You will, however, have to earn your five percent by taking this matter to trial—since your client won’t consent to a settlement—and end up with the same amount after a verdict, assuming you win. And I say ‘assuming you win’ because you do not have an ideal witness in Ms. Ruiz. Do I make myself clear, Mr. Hernandez?”
    â€œYes, Your Honor.”
    â€œGood. But I’m not done with you.” She pauses, then begins again, her tone grave.
    â€œMr. Hernandez, my obligation is to report your reckless conduct to the Disciplinary Committee, where you could easily have your license suspended for this egregious behavior. But I will leave that decision up to Mr. Wyler.” She turns to me. In my head, I hear his threat to punch me in the nose again.
    â€œWell, Mr. Wyler, what do you want me to do?” I hesitate. Telling her that I’d like him to lick my ass in Macy’s window will not reflect well upon me.
    â€œYour Honor, I don’t believe it will be necessary for you to make a report to the Disciplinary Committee. I think your ruling on this matter achieves justice, and as long as counsel stipulates not to appeal your decision, that would be enough.” She looks to Wilbur.
    â€œWell, sir?”
    â€œYes, Your Honor, I’ll so stipulate,