Free Cookie's Case by Andy Siegel

record reflect that I have in my hand the pretrial transcript of Josefina Ruiz, taken before a notary public of the state of New York, and the appearances as noted in this transcript are Mr. Tug Wyler for Josefina Ruiz and Ralph Hope, attorney for the defendant.”
    â€œYour Honor, so the record is clear, was there any appearance on that day for the truck driver himself?”
    â€œNo, Mr. Wyler. There was no truck driver in that room, not according to the appearance sheet.”
    â€œAnd, Your Honor, I hate to belabor the point, but my license is on the line here. Could you just read into the record what it says in that transcript relative to his appearance?” She nods.
    â€œLet the record reflect that on page three of the transcript, under the heading of ‘Appearances,’ it reads: defendant, John Livingston, no appearance.” I look over to Wilbur. He’s got sweat on his brow.
    I think you should have come and looked at the file, douchebag, before making such an accusation against me in open court in order to steal my hard-earned money and ruin my life.
    â€œMay I continue cross-examining the witness, Your Honor?”
    â€œYou may,” she says. Meanwhile, she continues flipping methodically through the transcript, one page at a time, like a speed-reader. I look at Josefina. It’s clear she doesn’t understand what just happened.
    Q:Josefina, we have now established that the truck driver was not in the room on that day. Yet you just testified that you saw him, you heard him, and you felt him by the touch of his hand.
    A:Yes, I see him.
    Q:Well, Josefina, he wasn’t there to see. Or to hear or feel, for that matter.
    A:[No response]
    She looks confused. “Let the record reflect that the witness has a look of confusion on her face.”
    â€œObjection!” Wilbur yells. “I move to strike Mr. Wyler’s interpretation of the witness’s facial expression.”
    â€œSo stricken, Counsel. But let the record reflect that based on my observation, it did appear that she had a confused look on her face.” Judge Brown leans toward the witness box. “Miss Ruiz, are you confused?”
    â€œYes, I confused.”
    The judge nods. “You may continue with your questioning, Mr. Wyler.”
    Time to play multiple choice. At this stage, if you do that, you’re at least giving the witness a chance. The thing is, I don’t want sympathy developing for her as a result of any of my actions.
    Q:Josefina, let me give you some options. Choose a letter. (A) The truck driver was not there, and your memory of the events of that day is faulty. (B) Your new lawyer told you to say that the truck driver was present for your deposition. (C) That day, you were experiencing auditory and visual hallucinations, which you had been diagnosed as suffering with, according to your medical records. Or (D) all of the above. Which is it?
    A:I’m sorry, abogado . I no understand.
    Q:Which one explains why you say you saw the truck driver that day, yet he was not there—(A) your faulty memory, (B) your new lawyer told you to lie, (C) hallucinations, or (D) all of the above?
    She looks up at the ceiling as if the answer is written on the dirty gray acoustic tile, then brings her head back down as if she found it. Wilbur looks super nervous, for good cause, I’m sure.
    â€œE,” says Josefina.
    Bang! Bang! Bang! goes the gavel. Brown gets our attention but quick. “Ramona,” she says to the female court officer, “help Ms. Ruiz off the stand and sit her in the back.” She looks to us. A judicial order is forthcoming. “All counsel in chambers, now!” As she’s leaving the bench, she turns and reaches for the EBT transcript.
    I look to Roscoe, lifting an eyebrow. Wilbur looks even more nervous. No surprise.
    â€œAfter you, Wilburrrrr,” I say.
    â€œMy name is not Wilbur, it’s Wilberto, and if you call me Wilbur again,