Free Stalking the Unicorn: A Fable of Tonight by Mike Resnick Page A

main entrance and knocked vigorously.
    "Hold your horses!” said a voice. “I'm coming!"
    A moment later the door opened and an elderly man, his white hair thinning and uncombed, stuck his head out. “Oh, it's you again,” he said when his eyes fell on the little green elf. “You know, Mürgenstürm, you've really got to do something about that libido of yours."
    "My feelings precisely,” echoed Mallory.
    The old man stared at him for a moment, then made a face and turned back to Mürgenstürm. “Your tastes are getting more degenerate by the hour,” he said.
    "You misunderstand the situation,” said Mürgenstürm.
    "If I do, it's not without cause,” said the old man.
    "John Justin, I want you to meet my friend Jebediah,” said the elf. “Jebediah, this is the world-famous detective, John Justin Mallory."
    Jebediah squinted at Mallory and nodded. “World-famous, eh? Well, come on in—but leave the cat behind."
    "You mean Felina?” asked Mürgenstürm.
    "You see any other cats?” asked Jebediah.
    "But she's not a cat. She's one of the cat-people."
    "Same thing,” said Jebediah with a shrug. “She'll upset the exhibits."
    "I thought this was a museum,” interjected Mallory.
    "It is."
    "Aren't the exhibits all dead?"
    "Of course."
    "Then how can she upset them?” persisted the detective.
    "Look,” said Jebediah. “It's cold and it's raining, and I've got no intention of standing here in the doorway answering stupid questions. If you want to come in, leave her outside."
    Mallory turned to Felina. “Wait here,” he instructed her. “We'll only be a few minutes."
    She made no reply, but merely squatted down on her haunches, staring at some fixed point in space that only she could see. In the dim light it seemed to Mallory that her pupils had expanded to entirely cover her irises. He reached out to give her a reassuring pat on the shoulder, which she avoided without seeming to move, and finally he shrugged and followed Jebediah and Mürgenstürm into the interior of the museum.
    "Impressive, isn't it?” asked the elf.
    Mallory looked around the huge, marble-floored central hall. The arched ceiling was a good forty feet high, and a pair of reconstructed pterodactyls seemed to be hovering over him, suspended by nearly invisible support wires. Dominating the hall was the skeleton of an enormous tyrannosaur, its jaws filled with row upon row of long, jagged teeth.
    "Mean-looking son of a bitch,” he commented.
    "Didn't there used to be an elephant here?” asked Mürgenstürm, indicating the area where the dinosaur stood ready to pounce. “A big one, with huge tusks?"
    Jebediah nodded. “We've still got him, but he's with the rest of the African animals now. The taxi drivers started objecting to him, so we brought old Rex up here from the basement.” The old man paused to brush a piece of lint from his dark blue uniform. “Just as well. He was getting lonely down there; now at least he's got the birds to keep him company."
    "Birds?” repeated Mallory.
    "The pterodactyls,” explained Jebediah. He turned to Mürgenstürm. “Well, if you're not here for an affair of the heart, just what is it that you want?"
    "I need some information,” said Mallory.
    Jebediah sighed. “I didn't figure you were here just to keep a lonely old man company on New Year's Eve."
    "Well, that, too,” said Mürgenstürm quickly. “But mainly, we have to learn something about unicorns."
    "So they stole the unicorn from you, did they?” asked Jebediah, amused. “I knew they would."
    "That's none of your business!” snapped Mürgenstürm.
    Jebediah turned to Mallory. “I keep on telling him. ‘Mürgenstürm, you ugly little wart,’ I say, ‘you can't keep letting your gonads rule your mind. Mürgenstürm,’ I say, ‘this museum's filled with exhibits that became extinct because they never learned to control their baser passions. Mürgenstürm,’ I say, ‘I can understand an occasional roll in the hay, but you're the