Free Stalking the Unicorn: A Fable of Tonight by Mike Resnick Page B

most compulsive little pipsqueak I've ever—’”
    "That will be quite enough, thank you!” snapped the elf.
    "He hired you to find it?” asked Jebediah, ignoring Mürgenstürm's furious gaze.
    Mallory nodded.
    "Well, Mr. Mallory, I can guarantee it's not here."
    "I'm sure it isn't,” said Mallory. “But I've never even seen a unicorn. Mürgenstürm tells me you've got one on display."
    Jebediah checked his wristwatch. “Can you be through in fifteen minutes?” he asked.
    "I don't see why not."
    "You're sure?” insisted Jebediah.
    "How the hell long can it take to look at a stuffed unicorn?"
    "Okay,” said Jebediah, heading off toward one of the dozen corridors that fed into the central hall. “Follow me."
    Mallory and Mürgenstürm entered the corridor.
    To the left was a diorama featuring a rhinoceros, three zebras, a pair of wildebeest, and a family of four giraffes at a savannah water hole. On the right was a leopard, poised to spring out of its tree onto an unsuspecting impala. The corridor continued for some forty yards and held at least a dozen more dioramas.
    Mallory turned back and studied the leopard for a moment. He could see its muscles bunched as it prepared to jump, almost rippling under its dead skin. Its eyes seemed to glow with awareness, and he half-expected to see its tail twitch just before it launched its attack.
    "We have to hurry, Mr. Mallory,” said Jebediah, taking a few steps back in the detective's direction.
    Mallory immediately began walking again. “They're very lifelike,” he said when he had caught up with the old man.
    "That they are,” agreed Jebediah as they passed a gorilla family and skirted around the bull elephant that had been moved from the central hall.
    "How much farther?” asked Mürgenstürm, running on his short, stumpy legs to keep up with the two men.
    "Just past the bongo and the okapi,” replied Jebediah. “You look all worn out.” He grinned. “They say sex does that to the wind."
    "I haven't had any sex for hours,” panted Mürgenstürm. “Obviously, it's a lack of sex that does it."
    "Obviously,” said Mallory caustically.
    The corridor branched to the left, and a moment later, after passing some large antelope, they entered a small room that housed a trio of creatures in plain glass cases. To the right was a banshee, to the left a satyr complete with its musical pipe, and directly in front of them was a large white unicorn. Its prominent brown eyes looked straight ahead, the horn on its forehead reminded Mallory of a twisted candy stick, its body was sleeker than most herbivores, and its tail almost touched the ground. It wasn't exactly horselike—a zebra, or even the extinct quagga, resembled a horse far more—but he couldn't figure out what else to compare it with, for it resembled all other animals even less.
    He walked around the case, wondering why he was bothering, since, having seen a unicorn, he knew he could never mistake it for anything else.
    Finally he came to a placard that offered him some minimal information:
    NORTH AMERICAN UNICORN
    Unicorns occur on all continents and islands except Antarctica, though they are believed to be virtually extinct in Peru, Tibet, and the Italian Riviera.
    Unicorns are usually herbivorous, although they have been known to eat everything from small rodents to parking meters. They are primarily nocturnal, and tend to congregate at right angles to where you are looking at the moment.
    The North American Unicorn— unicornis n. americanus —differs from all other members of the unicorn family in that it lives in North America.
    This specimen was shot by Col. W. Carruthers during a safari to the interior of Sioux City, Iowa.
    "Seen enough?” asked Jebediah.
    "In a minute,” said Mallory, staring at the unicorn once again.
    "Make it quick."
    Mallory turned to Mürgenstürm. “Does Larkspur look like this?"
    The elf nodded. “They could be twins."
    "I need to know more about his habits,” said Mallory.