Free Somewhere Only We Know ....... by Leanne Burn Page A

Beautiful Girl in The World
     
    When I confronted Keith the next morning, he
accused me of lying. I showed him my cuts but he was having none of
it. You did them to yourself he said. Yes right Keith, because that
what I do, I deliberately hurt myself and blame you. My heart
hardened a little bit.
    The
following months were a nightmare, but to the world outside the
house I smiled. No one had a clue what was going on. Maybe Karen
did, she often asked if I was ok? But of course I lied and said
things couldn ’ t be
better.
    Keith ’ s drinking got
worse and now along with the drinking came the pushing and shoving
and slapping and kicking. But no matter how drunk he was he never
marked my face. My body was covered in bruises. As quickly as a
bruise faded a new one took its place.
    Our sex life
deteriorated. I couldn ’ t
stand him touching me. But of course my no was never really a no,
it just meant that he could do what he wanted when I was asleep.
When Thomas was 6 months old, I discovered I was pregnant
again.
    Keith lost
interest in me completely. He spent more and more nights away from
home. My mam and dad commented on how hard he was working, little
did they know. It wasn ’ t
work that was keeping him away from our home, more a workmate in
the shape of Anita. He didn ’ t really try and keep it from me. He would come home with
love bites on his neck and reeking of perfume. I
wasn ’ t interested, if she
was keeping him away from me then that was great, she was welcome
to him.
    The nights
he was home he slept on the settee. We had invested into a lovely
leather one just before Thomas was born, but every morning it would
need soaping down. Where I felt pity for Keith and his problem, now
it disgusted me. As if I didn ’ t have enough to do with a baby and a full time job without
washing settees down and washing blankets or sleeping bags, along
with whatever else he was wearing.
    I did all my
hospital appointments on my own again, I was once again tormented
with thoughts of deformities and dead babies. When I went past my
due date, I went alone into hospital to have my baby. Keith knew
what was happening and said to ring when I went into labour. My mam
and dad had Thomas and when the pains started they tried to get in
touch with Keith, but he was nowhere to be found.
    So when Bethany was born, there was only me
to coo over her. She was beautiful. She looked so much like Thomas
but her hair was much darker and when she opened her eyes, they
were huge and the bluest blue. I was so proud of her.
    Keith
eventually turned up at the hospital when Bethany was about 12
hours old. We were about to be discharged and he turned up just in
the nick of time. He took one look at Bethany and said, “ well she
isn ’ t mine is
she? ” I looked at him in
shock. What the hell.
    We went home, my mam, dad and Granny were
waiting with Thomas and I once again sent up a silent prayer to God
for my family. My mam stayed with me for a few days. Keith did a
faultless performance of a doting father, but once my mam went and
we were alone, he reverted to his old self and ignored all three of
us.
    I
wasn ’ t going to go back to
work this time. There was no way I could afford to have 2 children
with a child-minder and it would be far too much for my Granny.
Thomas was getting to be a handful and I wanted my Granny to enjoy
her Great Grandchildren not think of them as a chore.
    I knew money
would be tight, but if I saved as much as I could while I was still
getting a salary; I was sure we would survive. It was when I
visited the bank to open a saving account for Bethany that I
discovered that all the savings we had had gone.
Thomas ’ s little savings
account had been cleaned out and the savings I had set aside for a
rainy day were cleared out too. Keith had taken the lot.
    In the
middle of Lloyds TSB I went into melt down. One of the
cashier ’ s came around and
took me and the kids into a little room and supplied me with a
tissue and a