Free Somewhere Only We Know ....... by Leanne Burn Page B

strong cup of coffee. I
couldn ’ t believe that Keith
would stoop so low as to take
Thomas ’ s money.
    Worse was to come, the mortgage on the house
was in arrears. I had taken my eye off the ball and look what he
had done.
    I was going
to have to go back to work. All my hopes at being a stay at home
mam were out of the window. I was going to have to pay
child-minding fees but even the measly amount of wages I would have
left at the end of the month would be better than nothing. My heart
hardened some more.
    So back to
work I went. The child-minder who had looked after Thomas before
Bethany was born was looking after both children full time. She was
great and I had no worries about them when I was at
work.
    Keith was no
help. I got the kids up in the morning and ready for the
child-minder’s. It was me who dropped them off and me that picked
them up after a day’s work. It was me who made tea and cleaned the
house and put meals on the table and paid the mortgage and the rest
of the bills; Keith was a waste of space.
    Still I said nothing to no one. I lived in
my little house with my two beautiful kids and to all intense and
purposes looked to be living an idyllic life.
    But it was a
living nightmare. The drinking and the beatings and the night time
assaults continued. I was a nervous wreck. Keith now had a new
thing too, he was controlling me; little by little he began to
control every aspect of my life.
    He would
check the mileage on my car, he would check my knickers for any
sign of extra marital activity, I
couldn ’ t go anywhere without
asking if I could go first. He even stopped me from doing the
weekly food shop on my own. It didn ’ t matter how much time I would have on a weekend to do it,
I would have to wait until he was free so he could come with me. My
friends were made to feel very unwelcome and he even managed to
fall out big time with my mam and dad. So no one came to visit,
apart from my Granny coming for tea once a week no one came to our
house. Even Karen, who I suspected had an idea what was going on
stayed away. She telephoned all the time, but when Keith realised
that I was talking a lot to Karen he started to take the telephones
out of the house with him when he left.
    Keith and I
always had good nights out together, he always used to be so proud
of me before we had the kids. But it all changed, he used to accuse
me of looking at other men, I wasn ’ t. At least I didn ’ t
think I was! But I became so nervous I would spend the whole night
looking at the floor, woe and betide me if he caught me looking
anywhere else but at him. In the end I stopped going, what was the
point.
    When I was
at home I was totally isolated with the kids. I dreaded either of
the kids taking poorly, I don ’ t know what I would have done. I would have had to go to a
neighbours and then the cat would be out of the bag. But still I
didn ’ t leave.
    Keith still
ignored both kids, my heart would break when Thomas would crawl or
toddle over to his daddy, only to be picked up and put in his play
pen or at some other part of the room by Keith. He
didn ’ t even look at
Bethany.
    The only bit
of freedom I had was when I was at work. Here I was in control,
organised. I didn ’ t show how
unhappy my home life was, I left that all behind the minute I
stepped through the office doors. I always dressed carefully, never
showed any bruising. I didn ’ t bother socialising with my workmates, it was pointless
and the price I paid for a night out was far too high.
    When Michael joined the company shortly
after I returned to work, an old trait of mine came back, I had a
crush.
    I had seen Michael when he had come in for
his interview, I had been about 8 months pregnant at the time and
the cheeky bugger asked me out for a drink. So I had a huge smile
on my face on his first day at work. He wolf whistled when he saw
me and told me how good I was looking, I reddened with
embarrassment, but I was chuffed. I was even more chuffed when