Free 40 Things I Want to Tell You by Alice Kuipers Page B

been so careless, so carefree. We hadn’t even thought about using protection until it was too late. The whole time, I hadn’t worried about a thing, and the moments when it hurt had melted away in the heat of what came next. Thank God he stopped himself just before he …
    I sat up and pushed my hair back from my face. My clothes were in a heap on the floor where I’d left them; my school bag lay open and unpacked. I grabbed my phone. There were two text messages.
    Both from Griffin.
    A pang of loss went through me: it was over now between Griffin and me.
    I pressed in Pete’s number. He answered on the third ring.
    “Hey,” I said. “I was thinking about you.”
    There was silence on the end of the line.
    Eventually he said, “How’s it going?” Formal. Cold.
    My heart dropped like an egg rolling from the kitchen counter, smashing on the ground.
    “Pete, it’s Amy,” I said, hating how I sounded.
    “Yeah,” he said. “I know. Look, I can’t talk now. I’m really sorry.”
    “What do you mean you can’t talk now?”
    “I just … I can’t make any promises—you know that, right?”
    It was my turn to be silent. Oh my God. Without saying another word, I hung up the phone.
    A text buzzed into it immediately.
    For about a second, I thought everything was going to be okay. Pete had written. That horrible conversation hadn’t just happened.
    But it was Griffin.
    Cleo and I r waiting outside—walk with us?
    The last two people I wanted to see. I texted back:
    Will be down in 5.
    I threw on the first thing I could find, grabbed my disorderly school bag and a couple of textbooks, and hurtled out the door. The day greeted me with cold sunshine and the smiling faces of my two best friends.
    After the conversation with Pete, I already knew what I had to do for now. I was going to act like nothing had happened. Like nothing had changed.
    I hugged Cleo and kissed Griffin lightly on the mouth. See, all fine. I could do this. Avoiding their eyes, I said, all cheeriness and light, “Come on, we should hurry. We don’t want to be late.”
    OH GOD. ONE DAY WENT BY, THEN TWO. PETE DIDN’T TEXT ME OR EVEN
look
at me at school, and my shame—if it was ever that—began to turn to anger. I’d gone all the way with a guy who didn’t care about me at all. I couldn’t gather my feelings together properly to begin to process what I’d done—I didn’t even recognize the girl I had become. So I studied hard, trying to stop myself constantly checking my phone for word from Pete. I avoided hanging out with Cleo and Griffin at school, and I hardly spoke to my parents.
    The second evening, I was mournfully checking through my Miss Take-Control inbox when a new message arrived.
    Thanks so much 4 ur amzing helpful advice on getting over a crush!!!! i can’t believe I even ever thought about that guy like I did … everythings great now and ur advice was really really really great.
    Luv and hugs 4EVER,
    Mercedes, 12
    With a sharp jab of the delete key, her email was gone.
    TWO DAYS BECAME THREE WITH NO WORD FROM PETE, NO SIGN OF what had happened between us, nothing … and then the Friday of Cleo’s party dawned.
    I was putting some stuff in my locker when Griffin grabbed me round the waist.
    “Hey, gorgeous. You’ve been so busy this week, I’ve hardlyseen you. All recovered from the B grade? All your homework ahead of schedule? Ready for the party tonight?”
    I turned so I was looking up at him. I had been an idiot to take Griffin for granted.
    Just behind him, I saw Pete. After days of acting like we were strangers, he was now looking at me with a curious expression on his face, one I couldn’t read at all.
    Griffin bent down, so I tilted my face up to receive his kiss. If Pete Loewen thought it was okay to do what we’d done and then just ignore me all week, if he wanted to treat me like one of the girls in his long line of conquests, then I’d show him I wasn’t hanging around waiting for him to—
    I pulled