Free 40 Things I Want to Tell You by Alice Kuipers Page A

don’t want this. I don’t want something that doesn’t have any guarantees.”
    “I guess that’s what I like about you.”
    I couldn’t look at him. I leaned against the cool, hard bench.I said, “Okay, so we’re clear? We can just forget about what happened?”
    “If that’s what you want.”
    I drank again. I said, “I don’t normally walk about in the park on my own late at night.” He let out a short laugh. “Good.”
    “I just had to get out the house.”
    He was quiet. He seemed to understand my need to get away from my family without me having to explain it.
    I said, wanting to explain anyway, “My parents were fighting. Again. They seem to be fighting all the time. I had to get out of there.” I continued, “Things seem, I dunno, they just seem to be going through something. If I think about it, they’ve been at each other for months. Mum is … God, I don’t know why I’m even telling you.”
    “My parents used to fight all the time. I was much younger but I remember standing upstairs, face pressed against the banister, desperate for them to stop yelling. I can still feel the wood of the banister. It was an old house. It was almost like I enjoyed the feel of that splintery wood against my face.”
    “I heard that your mum walked out.”
    His jaw clenched. “That’s the simple way of looking at it, I guess.”
    I sipped again from the beer. I said, “It’s probably no big deal with my mum and dad. They go through patches where they don’t get on and then things are fine. It’s just … well, my mum’s so distant right now.”
    “Do you get on with her?”
    “I don’t know. Not really—well, we don’t really talk or anything.We’re not close.” I drank again, flat beer spilling from my lips in a tiny trickle, which I wiped away with the back of my hand.
    Pete reached out and I passed the bottle to him. He drank. Watching him, I wanted to shake off everything in my life. I knew, suddenly, exactly what I was going to do.
    “Pete, would you mind …” I said, the words feeling naked in the fresh night, “would you mind if I kissed you?”
    He turned, arching an eyebrow in surprise.
    My heart was the bird now and I was just Amy. I faced him, sliding closer on the bench. And then my lips were on his. He tasted of smoke and cider and nothing that should taste good, but my mouth was responding, my body was curling like paper in the heat of a fire.
    “Follow me,” he whispered, and pulled me up to standing.
    I tried to say something, but the words dissolved in my throat.
    His eyes glittered and he grabbed one of my hands. “Follow me,” he said again.
    I let him lead me, my fingers entwined in his, the calluses of his palms rough against my skin.
TOP TIP 8: TEMPTATION IS JUST TOO TEMPTING
    He pulled me down to the ground, on grass that was rough and soft at the same time. I was kissing him as if I would break in two if I stopped. He yanked up my top. I wriggled out of my jeans.
    His hands were warm; the air was cold, but not so cold I couldn’t bear it, and tiny twigs scratched against my bare skin.I didn’t care. I laughed and tipped my head back. He kissed my neck, my collarbone, trailed his lips lower. My body shivered and pressed against him as if it were not under my control.
    Stopping, he looked at me. “Amy?” he said, his eyes question marks.
    I nodded. I pulled him closer.
    I couldn’t stop.
    I didn’t want to.
    Afterward, we lay next to each other on the grass, the night heavy on us.
    I kissed him on the mouth, whispered goodbye, leaving him lying there, his hands folded behind his head.
    Walking home, I replayed every minute.
    As I collapsed into bed, I smiled. Then I wrapped myself up in my duvet and sat on my bed, fully dressed.
    My phone vibrated in my pocket. A text from Griffin. I slid the phone onto my desk, leaving his message unread.
    I burst into tears.

CHAPTER 8
    WHEN I WOKE UP, I STARED AT THE CEILING, MY TONGUE THICK IN MY mouth, my guts churning. I’d