Free Bartender by William Vitka

shoot up he... He let that happen to someone he thought he loved. From a guy who was so desperate to shoot up, he was more than happy to mug people or rob people or beat the shit out of people. And then fought with the city to keep his goddamn kid... And then... And he’s fucked up anyway. He’s fucked up anyway. Cuz of the junk he kept putting in his veins. The junk I kept putting in my veins.”
    Kieron wipes his face. Says, “I never stopped it. That’s me . That’s the guy I am. I just keep riding this goddamn spiral down and down .”
    Neighbors bang on the walls.
    Kieron pants. “I thought I could find a way out. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He reaches for Sarah and she doesn’t really want him to touch her. But she lets him. He holds her. And he keeps saying, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll make it right. I swear. I’m sorry. I’ll make it right.”
    Sarah says, “Okay.” Not as distraught. Not as drunk. Not as guilty as the bartender she thought she could find a life with. “You need to calm down, Kieron. You really need to just... Breathe. For Aaron, at least.”
    Kieron’s broken. His brain is stuck. His heart thumps around in his chest—does a blast of rhythm beats from hell. He cries. Not heaving sobs, but close.
    Aaron walks into the kitchen. Rubs sleep from his eyes. “You’re too loud.”
    Sarah pulls away from Kieron. “Oh, kiddo. I’m sorry.” She sits next to Aaron on the floor.
    Kieron says, “Hey, bud.” He sniffles. Pretends nothing’s wrong. His anger evaporates when he sees his son’s sleepy face. “It’s my fault.” He looks around. Gets on his knees in front of the boy. Thinks of a decent bullshit lie. “I was walking too fast. I stubbed my toe. Hurt really bad. Crazy bad. And you know how when you stub your toe really bad, and you just get angry and you don’t like anyone cuz it hurts so much?”
    Aaron nods. His eyes shift from his father to Sarah.
    Kieron says, “That’s what happened to me. I got hurt and it surprised me. And I just got angry at everyone. And I yelled at Sarah. Cuz I was acting like a big dumb monkey.”
    Aaron says, “But monkeys are smart.”
    “Well, I was acting like a big idiot.”
    “Idiots are not smart.”
    Sarah says, “No, they’re definitely not.”
    Kieron says, “So it was my fault.” He looks to Sarah. “I’m an idiot.” Back to Aaron. “I got loud cuz I was... I was hurt. I’m sorry.”
    Aaron shrugs. “It’s okay, Daddy. I have to work on my ship anyway.”
    Kieron cocks an eyebrow. Daddy.
    That’s new.
     
    ***
     
    Then it is like nothing’s wrong.
    Kieron—done being drunk and moving on to just being exhausted by stress—sips from a small glass of whiskey. Calm. Patient. He chuckles at jokes from Mystery Science Theater 3000 on the television with Sarah.
    Aaron sits on the floor in front of em. He wants to work alone. The ship’s almost done. He just needs to attach the cockpit and the engines and the wings and the escape shuttle.
    The hard stuff is over.
    Aaron examines the fuselage with a keen eye.
    Sarah says, “It’s looking good.”
    Kieron nods. “You’re about ready to blast off.”
    Aaron smiles. He gets to his feet and crawls onto the couch between Kieron and Sarah. Puts his head on Sarah’s lap. Rests his legs on his father’s.
    Kieron rubs the boy’s feet.
    Sarah runs her fingers through his hair.
    They’re all very tired.
     
    ***
     
    In bed, Kieron says to Sarah: “How much did you get for the old lady’s stuff?”
    Sarah exhales once. Heavy. “Fourteen grand.”
    Kieron’s heart stops. In his drunken state, he’d considered going to the pawnshop and buying it back, thinking it was just a couple grand. Buy it back and get it off the street. Maybe even break back into the bird’s place and put it back.
    But fourteen grand...
    Fourteen grand would pay off the bills. Pay off the shitbag shrink.
    Sarah says, “It’s in my bag. But this conversation isn’t over.”
    “I have tomorrow