Free Frolic of His Own by William Gaddis

actually been out playing baseball myself yet either! if that’s what you, why I asked you to go see it I can’t even read about it where is it, that review will you look over there? on the sideboard there? unless she’s burned it, all I could read was that headline. And that ad. Did you see that Harry? that full page ad? Based on a true story with the picture of that idiot Christina wait, where are you going.
    â€”I’m just going to look for . . .
    â€”I just told you I can’t read it didn’t I? without my glasses? If neither one of you can bother to go to the movie can you at least take a whole minute and a half to read me the review?
    â€”Oscar try to calm down. Here it is, Harry can read it I’m just going to look for that woman, I mean you know it’s quite rude of you to call her that don’t you, I’m sure she has a name and Harry? that bag of groceries?
    â€”In the kitchen, on the floor by the sink, no look Oscar. The whole point of the . . .
    â€”That ad yes. Based on a true story, did you see it?
    â€”That’s what I’m talking about, that’s the . . .
    â€”And the review there it is yes, there it is read it. Read it.
    â€”Do you want the credits and all the . . .
    â€”No no no later, no just read it.
    â€”PATRIOTIC GORE IN NINETY MILLION DOLLAR SPECTACULAR. The full fury of what remains our nation’s most searing rite of passage, the American Civil War, bursts from the screen in the epic proportions of this three hour, ninety million dollar saga of historical artifice and grisly reality, The Blood in the Red White and Blue, produced and directed by Hollywood’s reigning wunderkind Constantine Kiester. Unlike the big budget pictures which followed Mister Kiester’s initial gory box office triumph, the Africa extravaganza Urubu . . .
    â€”Do you believe it? He made a big movie about Africa with these special effects that made you throw up so they give him ninety milliondollars to make a Civil War movie with battle scenes that make you throw up, Constantine Kiester. Do you believe it? Nobody’s named that. If you were named that you’d change it no but go on, read it. Go on.
    â€”Unlike the big budget pictures which followed Mister Kiester’s initial gory box office triumph, the Africa extravaganza Uruburu, both the Vietnam comedy Armageddon Blueplate Special and his ‘twenties gangster satire The Rotten Club appeared to have been filmed unfettered by the restraints of a script, with a story patched together as an afterthought, whereas here he is fortunate in dealing from the start with a story line strong enough to accommodate even the severely limited talents of Robert Bredford in the leading role, that of a young man who resolves his divided loyalties in the country torn asunder by Civil War by sending up substitutes to fight in his place in both the Union and Confederate armies, where both are killed in the bloodiest . . .
    â€”At Antietam isn’t it! Isn’t it?
    â€”in the bloodiest single day of the war, September seventeenth eighteen sixty two, at the Antietam creek in . . .
    â€”There, I told you! It’s the same story it’s exactly the same, they stole it. It’s that simple, they stole it.
    â€”You’d have to prove they stole it, Oscar.
    â€”Well of course they did, it’s my grandfather isn’t it? the play I wrote about my own grandfather, it says it right there in their ad. Based on a true story, they . . .
    â€”What I’m trying to tell you Oscar, don’t you see? That can put it right out in the public domain where they can claim fair use, where anybody can use it, it’s even been in some of the papers down there hasn’t it? This trash they’re printing about madness in your family? Trying to use these stories about your grandfather to get at your father over this Szyrk case